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“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Proverbs 27:17

“Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

Recently, we went to see The Karate Kid in its latest incarnation, featuring Jaden Smith (son of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett). His character, Dre, had a friendship with a cute little Chinese girl, a violinist. Her father took her music career very seriously, even hiring a private tutor. One day, Dre persuaded her to play hooky from school, when she should have been preparing for an audition with a prestigious school of the arts. While they were traipsing through the city, she got a call from her father – the audition had been moved up. They wanted to see her in an hour and her father was coming to pick her up at school. Busted. After the audition, the father made her tell Dre that she couldn’t see him anymore because he wasn’t a good friend (or influence) for her. At the time, skipping school seemed harmless but it almost caused her to miss out on an opportunity to improve her circumstances. Dre realized that he did not inspire her to do something good. Later, he apologized to her father, promising to be the best friend that she could ever have.

At one time, my own definition of friendship was simple – pretty much anyone who wanted to hang around me, regardless of how mean or negative they could be, counted as a friend. I was guilty of letting people latch on to me because of my need for acceptance. Soon, I found myself surrounded by negative people. They were friendly enough, at times; the kind of people who were quick to pick up the tab for a meal or offer to do a favor. But on many occasions they showed their true character; sometimes, they were merely guilty of not being supportive enough or being negative about my accomplishments. But I continued on in these friendships because of loyalty and because I hoped the relationships were salvageable, despite their character flaws.

The good news is, one day I realized things needed to change. I thought to myself: I gotta start hanging out with a better quality of people. I resolved that I would choose my friends more wisely, instead of just letting friendships happen. No more letting people just latch on to me. I didn’t push my existing friends away or try to change them. I changed me. My focus changed. As I reached for higher things in life, I found that bad relationships fell away. Of the friendships that have remained throughout the years, it was because they chose to rise higher and to evolve with me. Some have even inspired me to climb higher, which is what good friendships should do. The negative influences that were part of my life have long since gone and God has replaced them with friends who are like minded. We encourage each other to be better people. We inspire each other to service – be it to our families or society. My friends support me and make me feel good about myself, my life and my accomplishments, as I do for them. My friends make me feel like I can do anything! I thank God for them. I know now that I don’t need to fear letting go of poisonous relationships because God is able to give me better friendships that are real.

My son just completed his freshman year in college. I allowed that there would be a period of adjustment and, very likely, quite a bit of goofing off. Still, I hoped for the best. Sigh. While he did ok, I felt a little disappointed because I’d hoped for GREATNESS. I’ve always taught my kids that your life can sometimes be a direct reflection of the type of people who surround you. Hang around with people who party and expect to receive that type of reward. Conversely, surrounding yourself with people who are more goal-oriented and focused on the future will reap a different kind of reward. You’ll start to think like they do, emulate them. Reaching for excellence will become the norm, instead of the exception. I’ve encouraged my children to have friends who can influence them in a positive way but also, to be that person who impacts others positively. You are an example, regardless to whether or not you want to be – good or bad is entirely up to you.

Just the other day, my son mentioned that one of his friends got a car. Then he went on to say of his friend, “She is one of the few people I respect.” I thought, “Wow.” He told me how she declared at the beginning of the year that she intended to buy the car of her dreams. For the entire school year, he watched this friend work a “little job”, which was pretty far away. When necessary, she got up early and took the bus, sometimes having to walk to her dorm in the evenings – all the while, saving up for her dream car. She had money but “lived like she didn’t.” She skipped the party scene and ended the school year with a 3.0+ GPA. But the most obvious reward for her efforts was when my son watched her drive up to school in her new car. He knew she’d worked hard for it. He knew the sacrifices she’d made. He admired her drive and determination to reach her goal. And, he realized that he could have done the same thing. She inspired him to want to be better. By her example, she’d proved, more effectively than any lecture I could give, that setting goals and hard work does eventually pay off. She was a good friend and influence on my son. I thank God for her.

To be a good example, you don’t have to be perfect but you should be reaching for something more. As we grow and mature and become better people, we must motivate others around us to become better people. “Strengthen the brethren,” so to speak. It’s our responsibility, not only to cultivate good friends, but to be good friends – to be a good influence and set the positive example. It’s a smart person who sees the poor example but decides to do the opposite. It’s a wise person who sees the positive example and follows that course. Better, by far, is the person who realizes they have the ability and responsibility to influence others and chooses to be the positive example. So I don’t want to be a blind leader of the blind, causing others to fall into a ditch. I aspire to encourage folks to do more, be more, reach for more. And, I’m looking for others who will do the same.

Be blessed,

Loria

“Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, LORD, so that he may see.” Then the LORD opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. (2 Kings 6:16-17)

Elisha, the successor to Elijah the prophet, was used by God to warn the king of Israel of an ambush set up by his enemy, Syria. When the trap failed to spring, the king of Syria asked his men, “Ok, which one of you is the spy?” His men assured him that they were not spies but that there was a prophet in Israel who was ruining his plans. So the king of Syria dispatched a group to deal with Elisha. When Elisha’s servant, Gehazi, saw the host coming against them, he was worried and asked Elisha, “What shall we do?” But Elisha was not concerned. He knew what his servant did not know. While Gehazi was a servant of the man of God and had witnessed many miracles, he, himself, was not a man of God. Because of Elisha’s special relationship with God, he saw what his servant did not see. So Elisha prayed that God would open the eyes of Gehazi, so that he, too, could see the help that was available.

It occurred to me recently, that only in our relationship to God can we have the supernatural vision of Elisha. With it, we can see the possible instead of the impossible; we can see the big picture; we can look beyond the evil that men do and see the true source of evil behind their actions; we can see good and miracles in the little blessings in this world. We can we see past our human flaws. This type of sight becomes available to us, only as we draw closer to Him. Elisha and Gehazi are examples of how we view ourselves and our world with God and without God. Elisha saw with more than his natural eyesight because of his relationship with God. Gehazi could not see because of his lack of relationship (as evidenced by his actions later, but that’s another story).

My son and I went to see the movie, Avatar, in 3D. Although he had to pretty much drag me, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. The scenery was beautiful, the special effects were seamless – you couldn’t tell where reality ended and the illusion began. A few times, I caught myself reaching out to swat at something that appeared in my peripheral vision only to realize it was an image on screen in 3D. It was pretty cool. But more than the special effects, the Na’vi had a saying that reverberated within me. When Neytiri finally saw the human form of her lover, Jake Sully, which was much smaller and more helpless than his Avatar form, she said to him: “I see you.” It meant she saw more than his actual body, whether human man or disguised as one of the Na’vi – she saw all the things that made him Jake Sully; mind, spirit and soul. And she loved him – he was not merely his body.

That scene stayed with me because it illustrated a point; seldom do we see our true selves. We look at our exterior and see our lack. We look internally and see our flaws. If only we could see ourselves clearly and love ourselves for who we are, who God has called us to be and not just see a collection of flawed body parts. Women, particularly, have been conditioned to always want the opposite of what they’ve actually been given. Advertisers make millions selling us what we are deficient in. This fantasy woman can only be achieved through plastic surgery, tons of makeup and extensive airbrushing – yet, we reach for her continually. But what if you are meant to be tiny and that is your beauty? And you are meant to be large and that, too, is beautiful? Short hair, long hair – dark skinned, light – skinny or not – all are beautiful. One is not lovelier or better than the other. More or less of anything will not make you more. Men don’t seem to suffer as much regarding their perceived flaws as women do. But the media is chipping away at their self esteem, too.

For a time, my divorce caused me to feel rejected and I constantly looked for the reason. I needed it to make sense. Maybe I wasn’t pretty enough, thin enough, feminine enough, or submissive enough. My self esteem had suffered a crushing blow. My internal message became clear after a while – I was not enough. But, thankfully, I had friends and family who helped me to believe in myself again. They repeatedly told me, drilling in the message until I was able to see myself clearly again – “You are beautiful. You are smart. You are enough.”

Even when not encumbered by my physical flaws, my vision was still a bit cloudy because I began to look at my internal flaws. I wanted to be perfect, like NOW. To never make another mistake again, put my foot in my mouth, hurt someone inadvertently or lash out in anger would be bliss. I wanted to be perfect and holy and live a life that was pleasing to God – to be an Über Christian! I visualized myself in a superhero costume, red cape flowing with a huge C on the front. Yeah! But frequently, I fell short and was left feeling deflated. Sigh. I voiced my frustration to a friend one day and she told me, “You won’t be perfect until you see Him.” In other words, I’m not supposed to be perfect now. Whew. That’s why I needed a Savior. I get that now. I’m so glad that when God sees me, he sees someone worth dying for, someone worth saving, despite my imperfections.

When we look past ourselves, we can see Him. Sure, as we draw closer we will also see where we need to change or improve BUT we will also see our worth and our value and our real beauty through His eyes. I know now, that who I am, is enough. I’m proud of what I have worked to achieve and who I have become. Once, I had a vision, or a thought, maybe it was a waking dream. In it, the words came to me saying that God would heal my eyes and I would have 20/20 vision. Wow, I thought then – no more glasses! But now I get it. The meaning is clear. No more spiritual blindness. I’m beginning to see me clearly – through His eyes. Father, open our eyes that we all may see …

Be blessed,

Loria

“Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. This, then, is how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name…” (Matthew 6:8-9) aka, The Lord’s Prayer

“So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” (John 11:41-42)

The dishes, again. They had become a bone of contention in my household. Finally, I came up with a solution that I felt would resolve our problem. It did – no more dishes in the sink. Cool. But the resolution hit a snag when my daughter rebelled. No matter how I tried to get her to cooperate, she continued to find loopholes and excuses. I found myself frustrated and yelling. After a few days of this, I said to myself: you can’t keep doing the same thing and expect a different result. So, I went and talked to her, discussing what was really going on – which was not so much the dishes as it was an adult child trying to assert herself. (I’d witnessed my son going through the same thing the previous year.) I fell back then on what has ever been my saving grace – prayer. The next day when I got home from work, I was greeted with the smell of a clean house, a living room where everything was in its place AND … no dishes in the sink. That kid. Man, she’s a handful sometimes but she’s also such a blessing.

Once again, my prayer had been answered. I am convinced, more than ever, that God is at work in our lives, always. Even when you don’t know it – especially, when you don’t know it. When my life is turned upside down and nothing seems to make sense, that’s my cue and my clue, to pray. When I am at the end of everything – my patience, my time, my energy, my luck – I turn to God and he helps me. Once while driving home after a long day at work, all I could think of was the responsibilities waiting for me when I got there. I had to get dinner on the table for my kids and prepare a separate dinner for my mother-in-law, a diabetic; then, help with homework and attend to all of their needs. After washing the dinner dishes and straightening the house I would finally get off my feet, which would be throbbing by that time. All while my (then) husband slept, preparing for his night shift at work. As I sat in my driveway, overwhelmed and exhausted, just thinking of all I had to do, I prayed for strength. Finally, I gathered myself together and walked into … a clean house, dinner prepared, children and mother-in-law already fed by a husband who was fully awake. God knew my need, even before I prayed in my driveway. He had already set a plan in motion even before I was fully aware that I needed help.

How important is prayer then, or talking to God? The Bible gives us some insight, as it mentions that Jesus, himself, prayed. So it is important – it’s how we stay connected or plugged into the source of our strength and power. It’s how we abide in him. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ (Acts 17:28) So we know it’s something we should do. For some, prayer can be quite the ritual: formal, kneeling and petitioning God for favor – sometimes involving rising before dawn and spending hours talking to God. Some disciplined folks find comfort in this type of prayer. But for others like me, who are not so disciplined, this type of prayer can be daunting. Must I perform this ritualistic type of prayer for it to be considered true prayer? How should we pray?

Again, we look to Jesus to provide the model. He gave us an excellent place to start and answered this very question – how should we pray? “The Lord’s Prayer” was his response, and has been taught to many of us as children. I used to recite it with my own kids when they were small. But, there came a time when I no longer knelt beside their beds and helped them to say their prayers. As they got older, I knew they would need to know God, develop a relationship and seek him for themselves – to learn how to talk to him. They would need to move beyond the ritual and move into a more relational version of prayer – daughter to Father, Father to son. That leads me to the second example that Jesus provided; an informal, more relaxed version of prayer.

While Jesus was away, Lazarus, whom he loved, died. Jesus knew this but still waited a few more days before going to see his dear friend. He was setting up the miracle. By the time Jesus arrived on the scene, his friend had been entombed for four days. Martha and Mary cried: “If you’d only been here, my brother wouldn’t have died!” Seeing their grief, Jesus, too, wept. He assured them that if they believed, their brother could be resurrected because Jesus is the resurrection! Then he prayed aloud for their benefit, so that we would have evidence of his prayer and his connection with God. But he had already talked to God. It may have been a simple prayer, just at that moment and quick. No time for flowery phrases. Or he could have prayed during his journey to Bethany, conversationally but we have no record of it. It may have been a private prayer, within himself. He knew God heard him and knew he would soon be answered. So Jesus cried, “Lazarus, come forth!” And the dead man came from his tomb, still wrapped in his burial cloths.

I, myself, am a fan of the latter model. I talk to God continually, just as a normal course of conversation. Like He is real and present – because He is. I used to think of myself as not being much for prayer because I didn’t observe the rituals until a friend pointed out to me: Talking to God is prayer. It’s that simple. Ever since I embraced that simple concept, I’ve found that I spend a lot of my day talking to God, telling him my hopes and dreams and aspirations, giving him my fears and concerns. So now, I encourage others to talk to him and have a conversation, rather than to be intimidated by rituals that may make him seem very far away or unreachable. Why? Well, one of the things Jesus accomplished with his sacrifice was to make God more accessible to us all. Simply put, God wants to talk to you! No barriers, no third party involved – just you and him, one on one. So when people get mad and vent to me about God, I shrug and say “Tell him.” Feel like ranting or shaking your fist at the heavens? He already knows, so you may as well tell him. Go ahead and talk to him. He would love to answer you.

Be blessed,

Loria

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity…” Ephesians 5:15-16

“Carpe Diem!” Latin, meaning: “Seize the day!”

“Watch and Pray …” Matthew 26:41, Mark 14:38 and Luke 21:36

While working as a clerk for a major utility company, it was bought to my attention that the customer service position was the job that everyone wanted. We all desired that job because of the great pay and the overtime hours. It was the one place in the company where anyone could aspire to do well. It was considered a major promotion. But more than the money, this job held a lure for me that I treasured above all, something I never seemed to have enough of – time. That is, time to pursue my interests.

As a working mother of two small children, I missed having time to myself to do anything. The CSRs seemed to have time to pursue other interests like knitting, needlepoint and various puzzles while they talked on the phone. My children took up most of my spare time. To have my own time to do things was a dream. I prayed and said, “Lord, if you give me that job, I’ll use the time to study my bible.” And it was no idle bargain that I struck. What I wanted most, what I desired more than anything, was more time to read my bible. I loved to read. I saw Christians on my job carting their bibles along daily. As a new Christian, I felt a little deprived, like I was missing out. Any job that would allow me to do what I yearned to do was ok in my book.

Soon, an opportunity came along for me to apply for this position. I got the promotion and sure enough, I used my time between calls to read and study my bible, diligently and earnestly. I thought I was doing a good job at keeping my hidden passion under wraps. Then one day a coworker was compelled to ask, “Why are you studying your bible? Are you trying to become a pastor or preacher? Minister? Sunday school teacher?” I shook my head in reply and was momentarily speechless – I’d never thought of what I would do with this knowledge. I wasn’t studying to gain any particular title. I really didn’t have an ambition to be anything bigger than what I was, a wife and mother. But her question made me think. So I answered, “I’m studying because I want to be ready for whatever He has for me. I don’t know what that is – but I want to be ready.”

I was preparing and laying the groundwork with my potential future in mind. When the right opportunity presented itself, I wanted to be able to walk right into it. I wanted to be fully prepared and not have to stop and think, “Yikes! I’m not ready!” I wanted to have knowledge of the bible to draw upon and have attained some level of spiritual maturity so I could do justice to whatever I was called to do. I didn’t know it but God was preparing me, even then. God used that humble beginning to open up many opportunities for me to minister in various capacities. And I was “ready” for every one of them.

I still follow that pattern, to this day. I don’t know what the future may bring but I try to make wise choices and live life so that I can be ready to walk into that opportunity when it becomes available. I’m determined that I don’t want any opportunity to pass me by. I’m constantly laying the foundation for my future endeavors. Even while unemployed, I employed my mind constantly with books on how I could improve myself spiritually, mentally, physically and relationally. I employed myself by constantly working on projects at my church. As I prayed for work, I prepared for a better future, a better me – determined that I would leave that phase in my life better than when I entered.

I remember my high school principal once told a story: A man was on board a sinking ship. He sent the lifeboat on ahead saying, “God will rescue me.” Another boat came along to rescue him and was met with the same reply. Finally, as the ship was going down completely, a helicopter came along and attempted to save him. “No – I’m waiting on God to save me!” The man died and went to heaven, where he asked God, “Why didn’t you save me?” And God answered, “I came THREE times!” God used people to save that man but he was so busy looking for heavenly intervention that he missed his chance to be saved. I think I used to pray like that, in hopes of something manifesting supernaturally. I have since come to the realization that prayer can sometimes open the door but we still need to walk through it.

So when I have a desire now, I pray and watch for the opportunity to materialize. Watch in the biblical sense, means more than see. It’s more active. It means to have an attitude of watchfulness; to be on the alert AND to be in a state of readiness. I take it to mean that you should look for an opportunity but also, be prepared to take full advantage of it. I saw a quote one day that summed it up, nicely: “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”(Seneca) I’ve been accused of being lucky or “blessed” and to some extent, that’s true. But it is also due to living in a state of preparation, with the expectation that something good, something big could happen at any time.

I’ve also come to realize the importance of setting goals. There’s just something about stating, in writing or speaking aloud, your goal and how you plan to accomplish it. In recent years, I came across a list that was made before my life changed. It included some possible alternatives to earning an income, such as becoming a realtor and a loan officer – it even included my desire to become a tax preparer! I looked over my list and realized I’d accomplished everything; I was astonished. How? It’s not like I carried my wish list around and checked off things as I did them. The theory and the success behind making lists is that it causes your brain to zero in on opportunities as they become available. Simply put, it makes your brain more watchful and alert.

As I’ve added that to my life, I’ve realized many goals that could have remained only a dream. And I’m looking forward to many more. Even now, I’m preparing and being prepared for the next phase of my life. Some habits that I’ve carried with me for a while, I don’t want to carry into my new life. So I’m working on me – again. I’m determined to change, for the better. And, no, I have no idea what challenges the future will bring. But I will be ready.

Be blessed,

Loria

“While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table.” (Matthew 26:6)

There are times in life when you need to be lifted up – to be encouraged and you may not even know it. But God knows. Sometimes, he sends people or events your way that are like a ray of pure sunshine breaking through on a cloudy day. Someone may do or say something uncommonly nice. Something completely inexplicable will happen that makes you smile. God sends these moments for no other reason than to brighten your day. When I see that brightest ray of sunshine, I call it a “God smile.” I mentally picture the sun shining down on me, kissing my upraised face, warming my body and spirit. I’m grateful for these moments when God shows his love in an almost tangible way and it fortifies me. It’s God’s way of saying, “I just want you to know – this is how precious you are to me!”

When the woman anointed Jesus with the costly oil, she didn’t know the significance of her actions. She just wanted to show her love and appreciation for Jesus. She felt like he was more precious than the most expensive perfumed oil – which was nothing compared to his worth. She only meant to show him how much he meant to her. What she didn’t know was that her actions would be recorded and that she would be forever remembered as the woman who prepared Jesus for his burial. God used her to bless Jesus in a tangible way. It was similar to when the Holy Spirit appeared in the form of a dove at Jesus’ baptism. That was a very public act, placing God’s seal of approval on Jesus’ ministry as a voice from heaven declared, “This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.” But this anointing was a private declaration, a private moment between The Father and The Son, meant to fortify him for the ordeal which lay ahead. It conveyed the message, privately, “I know what you’re about to go through and I just want to bless you.” It was a special gift and may even have been a bit of a surprise. I like to think that was a God smile moment.

“I think it piss God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it. People think pleasing God is all God care about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back.” Shug Avery in The Color Purple, by Alice Walker.

One day, I went on a field trip with my daughter’s class to the pumpkin patch. I drove my own car and had to catch up with the group. They were headed into the chicken coop, right off to the side of a large paddock where the horses were kept. As I made my way over, a horse on the other side of the enclosure saw me and made a beeline for me. As he drew closer to me, and I, to the chicken coop, I realized that I would not be able to avoid meeting this huge creature. I love horses, in theory, but in reality, their head is like the length of my torso with a mouth large enough to take a chunk out of my arm. So, while I was drawn to the fantasy, I was put off by his size. He (I’m assuming) seemed gentle enough and hung his head over the fence, as if to say, pet me. I thought, “Wow – cool.” and wondered if God ordered him to greet me. Maybe that seems a bit fanciful but I have to admit, it did occur to me. Still, I took one look at the big head blocking my path and knew I didn’t have the nerve to approach him. I looked him in the eye and told him: “I need you to go back to the other side. I don’t want to play today.” He looked up as if to say “Really?” Go, I said and pointed; he seemed to shrug and walked back to the other side. It was a funny encounter and, like I said, it made me wonder. Would God do that just because he knew it would please me?

When my son was younger, he was a Pokémon fanatic. He loved the series and the trading cards. So when the movie came out, I had to take my kids to see it. As we’re sitting in the theater watching the opening scenes, I saw all kinds of creatures in various colors. Some were funny looking, some were beautiful, but all were interesting. I thought to myself, “Why so many?” And then I answered myself, “To appeal to the children – just to make them smile.” It occurred to me then – that’s what God had in mind when he created our world. It’s why we have plant life in so many forms, edible, inedible; above ground and underwater. He made various animals – some weird and some majestic – and gave us an insatiable curiosity to (hopefully) appreciate them. Some of his creations serve a real purpose and some serve no other purpose than just to make us say “Oh! Wow!” It’s the same reaction I hope to get from my own children when I do something nice for them.

His efforts didn’t stop at creation. He continues to create opportunities to show us how much he cares. I love it when he does something “just because,” making me stop and acknowledge His effort to please me. I realize at that moment, he just showed me he loves me. Or, gave me roses. Maybe even, blew me a kiss. And it makes me feel treasured. There is a sweet story about a little girl who was walking home through a thunderstorm. But she wasn’t afraid. Every time the lightening would flash, she would stop and smile because she thought God was taking her picture! That story makes me recall my own moments when I appreciate something He has done. That’s when I smile at God and He smiles right back at me.

Be blessed,

Loria

“Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” (Joshua 1:9)

“We must become the change we want to see.” Gandhi

Israel had just lost Moses, the greatest leader, ever. Moses was a prophet and talked to God in a form no other man had seen. Moses was used as an instrument of God and forced Pharaoh to free the Israelites. The fledgling Israelite nation witnessed many acts of God while wandering forty years through the wilderness, including manna from heaven. Of the original group that left Egypt, only a handful of the adults remained. Responsibility was then handed over to Joshua, who had to have some reservations about how he could fill such large shoes. So God commanded him, giving him courage to lead.

Recently, I had the dubious pleasure of reading a post on Facebook, spewing venom about President Obama. While I am not a person who really cares about politics, I thought her comments unfair and harsh. But, I refrained from commenting, thinking that would only give the situation more attention than it warranted. No use fanning the flame. But then someone else commented and summed up the matter nicely, dousing the flame altogether: If you don’t like what he’s doing, run for office and become president yourself! I thought, “Wow – good point!” She pointed out that while she does not agree 100% with President Obama, he has a tough job.

She put the responsibility for change, square in the lap of the original author of the post. Sometimes, we get so caught up in looking at what others are NOT doing that we forget what we CAN do. We always have choices and therefore, a measure of control. If you hate a situation, change it. If you can’t change it, deal with it. We cannot control others behavior. We cannot control a lot of events that happen in our lives. But we can control how we deal with it. We rail and we rant and cry because we feel like matters are out of our control. It’s not fair that we don’t have more control, we think. But we have more power than we realize. Rather than assign blame, which gets us nowhere, ask “How much control do I have? What can I do?”

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

I vaguely recall an episode of the Simpsons where Bart and Lisa sat in the back of the car and he kept poking her. The dialogue went something like this: Poke. “Quit it.” Poke. “Quit it.” It just went on and on. The poke er never got tired of aggravating the poke ee. Although Bart was only poking his sister to bug her, sometimes God pokes us to get our attention and stir us to action.

One Sunday, as we were heading home from church, I polled the kids to see what they wanted to eat. One wanted McDonalds and the other White Castle. I really wanted them to choose just one so we would only have to make one stop but this once, I gave in. I reasoned that we could go through McDonalds drive thru first and then actually eat at White Castle, as they had a “kids eat free” special. So we followed through with our plan; I stepped up to the counter at White Castle and gave my order, asking the young lady about the kids special. She looked confused and asked me to wait while she spoke to a manager. I was confused, too. What was the problem?

She turned to the manager and said, “She has two kids, so she gets two meals, right?” The manager said, “Yes.” And that’s how I found myself with an extra meal, sitting in White Castle. Wow. I couldn’t believe the luck. The kids could eat more, I could take the remains for lunch the next day or we could eat it later – it was just extra food. Cool. As the kids ate, an elderly, homeless man sat next to them, talking and playing with them. He was sweet and they seemed to enjoy his company rather than fear him. He seemed harmless enough.

It suddenly occurred to me that the extra food was not just extra food for us. It was for him. The whole chain of events that deviated from our normal pattern and brought us to eat inside White Castle, rather than drive thru – even indulging the kids by taking them to two separate restaurants, now made sense. Scary sense. Wow. Could God be using me?

So I offered him the food. He politely declined and continued to play with the kids. Okay. Did I get it wrong? Still, I felt something poking at me – disturbing me, stirring me into action. It would not let me rest. Poke. Do it, a voice urged. Poke. Do it. I know, Lord, I reasoned. But he rejected me! I don’t want to risk offending him. Poke. But he doesn’t want it, Lord. Poke. Seriously. Mentally, I’m wiping my face in frustration. Clearly, God is asking me to do something that this fella doesn’t want or need. Perhaps I am mistaken. Maybe he just looks homeless.

We finished our meal and I gathered up our mess, realizing we had exactly the makings of the extra meal left over. Untouched. One drink, two burgers and an order of fries – which, he didn’t want. Okay. I put the left over meal in a bag to take with us. By this time, the elderly man was at the door. Poke. That gentle but persistent nudging gave me the courage and incentive to give it one last try. I held out the bag to him, hopefully – fearful but praying that he wouldn’t reject me again and make a scene. Please let me get it right. I really didn’t want to offend him but I didn’t want to take the chance that I missed the opportunity to obey God. The man reached out and took the bag and thanked me, saying bye to the children as we left.

Whew. I breathed a sigh of relief. And then said a prayer of gratitude as I realized God used me to bless someone! I got it right! Yay! I did a little dance inside my head. I obeyed the voice of the Lord and that made me happy. Yeah. See, I’m not looking to change the world. I don’t have any political ambitions or look to make an impact globally, nationally, or locally. This is in my control. Here is my power. How I choose to live my life daily. How I impact my family and my fellow man. How I leave my mark on this world. I do have power. I have responsibility. I have courage.

Be blessed,

Loria

“…For I consider that the sufferings of this present time (this present life) are not worth being compared with the glory that is about to be revealed to us and in us and for us and conferred on us!”  Romans 8:18

A Facebook friend, an acquaintance really, posted recently that she was in a lot of pain and needed encouragement. This scripture immediately came to mind. I thought twice about sending it, not wanting to seem like I was making light of her pain. I genuinely wanted to help and I’ve learned by now that when a scripture pops into my head, it’s usually relevant to the situation or meant to minister to someone. It’s how God sometimes speaks to me and through me. Still, I hesitated – would it seem a well-meaning, feel-good gesture but still fall flat? A little doubtful of my reception, I followed His leading.

So I replied with, what I refer to as, my FUBU scripture. For Us, By Us. Yeah, it’s misquoted but you get my drift. The acronym helps me to remember. When I recall it to my mind, it sounds something like this: Whatever you’re going through is gonna seem like nothing – like a light affliction – compared to what God’s going to do IN us, By us, For us, Thru US! When I think about it something inside me dances! To think that God is going to use me, work through me, complete a work in me – WOW. That really gets me revved. It usually works to encourage me and distract me from my present plight. My mind goes off on a tangent, thinking about my future potential. I think about the pendulum swinging from very bad, as bad as it gets – to good, very good, as good as anything could ever be. It’s one of my favorite scriptures and has ministered to me many, many times. It gives me hope.

My Facebook friend replied, very simply, on my wall: Thank you. Which I took to mean that, hopefully, the scripture encouraged, instead of offending. But the brevity of her reply left me in doubt. Did it really help or was she merely being polite? I wondered. Did I get it wrong, did I miss God’s leading or was I just being overly sensitive?

“So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:11)

Did his word really achieve the purpose for which it was sent? Hmmm. But a funny thing happened on the way to posting that scripture. Instead of initially replying to her post, I wound up posting it on my wall, like it was my status instead of a reply. I wanted to delete it altogether, because it was a mistake, or so I thought. I rectified the matter by replying to her post so that she knew the scripture was meant for her. And after I received her thank you, I noticed a reply to my wall post from another Facebook friend.

As it turned out, it was just what SHE needed to hear. She was going through a tough time and when she saw the scripture, it ministered to her. She was in tears and so, nearly, was I when I saw her reply. His word did accomplish its purpose. It did not return to him empty. I was glad I obeyed his leading as it led to healing for someone, maybe not my intended recipient, but certainly God’s. It was a happy surprise and an unexpected benefit – I knew then that God spoke to me and he used me to encourage my friend. Not coincidence but providence.

So how do you know when God is speaking to you? For me, it’s been a gradual realization. Over time, I’ve learned to trust his leading, mainly because of the many times it was ignored. It started out with reading my Bible. At first, out of curiosity, and gradually, because of a thirst for more knowledge. Then a scholarly looking gentleman came to my church. He fascinated me. He was known as “The Walking Bible” because he could quote any scripture, verbatim, just from memory. In fact, he testified that he read the Bible twice a year, cover to cover, just to refresh his memory. Sadly, (sigh) I am not him. But I have always admired him and aspire to be like him. I’ve read the Bible cover to cover a few times and can usually get you in the general vicinity of the scripture. I may even recall the name of the book. But chapter and verse? Not so much.

After studying for a few years, I noticed that scriptures would pop into my head. The first time it got my attention, I was talking to a friend. As the scriptures came to me, they were all relevant to our conversation. I got goose bumps as I relayed them to her. I felt like they must be meant, specifically, for her. With a certain amount of trepidation, I confessed that I believed God was speaking through me. Gulp. Seriously. I didn’t want to be crazy. I felt that only nutty people walked around saying they heard the voice of the Lord. But it was true. I realized that he was using these scriptures to speak to me. Before I could really think I was going off the deep end, I came across a verse that shed some light on my situation:

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you.” John 14:26

The Holy Spirit was giving me the ability to recall these scriptures and bring them to mind whenever I needed them. Whew. Me not crazy. What a relief. Still, knowing that he’s actually speaking and actually obeying that voice is a bit of a stretch. At times, I haven’t trusted myself to be able to discern the difference between his voice and mine. But I’ve learned to apply two simple tests: Is it something he would say? Studying God’s word helped to teach me about the mind and will of God. The second test: Is the action required good, true, kind? If I can answer yes to those questions, I will usually follow through. Every time I obey his voice and he proves himself, I am encouraged to obey him again.

Be blessed,

Loria

“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin…”
(Zechariah 4:10 NLT)

It’s so important to have the right attitude – with it; we can change our reality and our future. I spent my younger years really bemoaning my lack of, well, everything. Maybe that’s an exaggeration but I just felt like I didn’t have enough of, whatever. Fill in the blank. I really didn’t appreciate a lot that I had, be it my appearance, my social status, my material possessions or my gifts and talents. Somewhere along the way, I started hearing about the “attitude of gratitude” – I could appreciate the sentiment but I still didn’t actively cultivate it. It seemed a little too simple, a little patronizing, a platitude, even. I didn’t see it as something that could change my life.

I really haven’t had many car accidents in my life, fortunately. But the big one that I had was a doozy. Not because it changed me physically, but because it caused a shift in my way of thinking. I was shook up and initially devastated over the damage to my car, but I walked away from the experience thankful. The ambulance driver helped to put it in perspective for me. In retrospect, I wonder if he was an angel. I never got his name but he was just so kind to me that I’ve never forgotten him. While I lay on the stretcher in the back of the ambulance, I felt helpless as my children looked on. That’s a position that, as a mother, you never want to be in – you always want to be able to protect your children. But I tried not to let my panic show because my kids were so small.

I thought about the mess I’d made of things, my car was damaged – how would I get to work? My kids were frightened and I was a mess. Tears welled up in my eyes and I wept, silently. The ambulance driver wiped my tears and asked gently, “Why are you crying?” I told him, “Because I’ve messed up everything!” I broke my car, I broke my head, and everything was all jacked up. He was so kind to me and my children. I don’t know why. He stroked my head and spoke words of comfort to me, letting me know to not worry about the loss of material things. That I was ok was the important thing. And he took care of my children by keeping them close to me, knowing that even seeing their mother in her bleeding state, they would be comforted. It’s been said that people will often forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel. Yeah. I have never forgotten his kindness and am forever grateful for him. He ministered to us during our time of need. I figured he must have been an angel.

I was cleaned up, stitched up and sent home, battered but bettered by the experience. I just saw God’s hands in the whole of it, moving on my behalf, turning what was meant for evil into something good. That’s when I knew He loved me. I saw the accident again in my mind and I saw his hand – cushioning the blow and protecting us. I thought about how much worse things could have been and I was grateful. But my kids were still pretty shook up. While I was recovering and lying in the bed, they came to me one day, relived the accident and talked about how scary it was. My son asked, “Mama, why did God let that happen to us?” I didn’t even hesitate to answer him because, just at that moment, I knew. I put into words what I had not dared to say. I was still wrapping my head around it. “Baby, God didn’t make that happen – it was God who protected us.” I saw understanding dawn in his eyes. “Mama, why did he do that?” “Because,” I simply replied, “He loves me.” I was crying again because I knew, as I voiced it, it was true.

That accident was a literal and figurative knock on the head. That’s when God truly got my attention. I imagine now how different my life would be if I hadn’t learned two lessons then: to see and be grateful for what he is doing and to trust that he loves me. Other lessons have followed but the foundation was laid in those early, essential, elementary lessons. From these lessons sprang my understanding of the Parable of the Talents (See Matthew 25:14-30) and how it is important to for us to appreciate what God has given us. Then I understood the relationship between lack and increase and the route traversed to get from one mindset to the other. In the parable the two good servants who were “faithful over a few things” (or in small matters) were rewarded by being made “ruler over many things”, or, as the scripture is often paraphrased, “ruler over much”. One day, I had a revelation. I said to myself, how do I get to the “much”? The answer came back so quickly that I knew it wasn’t me who answered. “By being faithful over the few,” or by being appreciative of the little things.

For me, it came down to attitude, meaning, how I view what God is doing in my life, followed by gratitude or how much I appreciate it. I began to see him in everything, acknowledge and appreciate him. I began to be thankful for little things. And he began to bless me with more. I realized that I would never reach the much stage unless I was thankful for what he was doing for me right now. Gratitude, I know now, is my key to unlock and release my blessings. When I am thankful, I act accordingly. I treat my blessings with reverence, knowing that God didn’t have to give them to me. I take what he has given me, thank him for it and work to increase it, rather than complain about my lack. It makes me wonder; did he just now begin to bless me? Or did I only just now begin to see? Really see Him? What if, his hand has been in my life all along, protecting me, but my eyes were too dull to see? I think about all that I may have missed – wonderful blessings that were right in front of me. And it makes me even more determined to appreciate and enjoy blessings that I have right now. I’ve found, it’s from the little things that big things grow.

Be blessed,

Loria

“And hope maketh not ashamed …” Romans 5:5

“Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing.” Psalm 145:16

It’s been said, “I think, therefore, I am.” Well, I’d like to offer a different take on that line of thought: I hope. Therefore, I am – right where I always wanted to be. I was talking to my daughter the other day about how we are seeing the fruition of a lot of things that I wanted for them. At one time, just getting my kids through high school and paying for college seemed a distant dream. I saw a long, tough road ahead of me. But I hoped. And I planned.

A friend of mine always loves to paraphrase the scripture, “he that builds a building must first count the cost.” (Luke 14:28) Meaning, before you go on to do the great thing, you must first account for how you’re going to do it. You’ve got to have a plan of action. Plans are born of hopes. Sometimes, when I have a dream or real desire, I ask myself AND God, “How can I make this happen?” But oftentimes, it’s not so much a concrete plan, as it is pointing my feet and just moving in the right direction, keeping my eyes focused on my goal.

Now, hope and faith are connected. Hope is the budding of the desire. It is your wish. It’s the seed, sown. The route we take to reach our dream is the plan. But faith is the implementation of the plan. Faith acts on what it believes and hopes for. Abraham, also known as, The Father of the Faithful, is so called because he believed and acted on the word of God even when he could not see the end result. His faith was far sighted. He had to believe that what he was doing right now would eventually pay off, giving him what he desired AND what God had promised – descendents as numerous as the sand and stars, tracing their genesis to one man.

So I look back and see where my ambitions have brought me. What has God done for me? It’s been a heady journey. I can’t even begin to number my blessings, not just the random and unlooked for, but things I actually asked for – it boggles my mind. I’ve come to believe it was my hopes and dreams which gave me focus and determined my outcome. I was living life in the here and now but with my eye on the future. Just as no building suddenly appears, completely finished on the skyline without thought or prior planning, we cannot become the finished product without having some thought of who or where we want to be. It is our hopes and dreams that drive us; so keeping our focus on the big picture in our dealings now will pay off, eventually.

My conversation with my daughter began, innocuously enough, with a discussion about her involvement in church and choir. She really enjoys going and singing and being involved in ministry. I let her know, this was no idle occurrence but in fact, the realization of a dream. See, my sister and I had a really positive church experience growing up. We loved going to our church, which included a large family with children around our ages. And our choir, man, our choir could SANG! À cappella harmonies were our specialty. We were awesome! Church was where our friends were and our adopted family. We spent a good deal of our youth at that church during a crucial time in our lives.

It was truly a wonderful experience – we have so many great memories that we wanted the same for our children. So then, it’s really no coincidence that we achieved our objective. Our desire was fueled by watching so many children reach that milestone age, usually around fifteen or sixteen, where they don’t want to go to church anymore. They rebel against church and its teachings. They reject you, they reject family and go off to pursue their own thing. It’s really a critical time in their lives, making the difference between them being lost, sometimes forever, never to recover and between becoming successful, productive members of society. It’s that serious. I wish I were making that up. I’ve seen many young people walk away – sometimes they return after living a hard life and sometimes that hard life claims them.

So, you can see why this was so important to us – we knew the consequences and the devastation that could result from having a slack attitude regarding our kids. We hoped for more. We focused on what we truly wanted. We came up with a plan, implemented it and steered our children in the right direction. And the desired result was achieved. Not as easy as it sounds, believe me! I am forever indebted and grateful to my brother-in-law for having the same vision and actually providing an outlet for our children. He created a choir for them and kept them actively involved. He reached out to ALL the kids in that age group. Due to his efforts and persistence, these kids love church. They love to sing. They love being part of ministry. It keeps them focused and gives them purpose. Mission accomplished.

Right now, as we’re coming to the close of another school year, I’m actually closing a chapter in my life. I am seeing the dream realized in so many areas. God has done so much. I’ve made some hard choices but I am ever so glad that I did, because I am now seeing my payoff. Five years ago, starting over was terrifying. Wow. Was that really me lying in a puddle of my own tears? Yeah, it was. Was. WAS! Past tense, baby! I made it. I’ve done all that I set out to do. Picture me, pumping my fist and shouting, “YEAH!” Yeah. Back then, my dream seemed so far out of my reach. All I could do was hope and hold on. But I kept pressing forward with my hope ever before me, like a beacon, lighting the way. And look at me now.

Be blessed,

Loria

P.S. This article is dedicated to my friend and counselor who always made me feel like I would make it. I asked her once, “How can you listen to so many tragic stories?” Although my own was heartbreaking, I knew she’d heard worse. And she replied, “I also get to hear the victories, too.” So here’s to victory. And here’s to you. I know you’re reading this and celebrating with me. Thanks.

“…Yet, because you relied on the LORD, He delivered them into your hand. For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him…” (2 Chronicles 16:8-9 KJV)

This scripture deals with Asa, king of Judah. By the time of his reign, the majority of Israel’s twelve tribes had broken away from Judah and existed as two separate kingdoms. The two kingdoms warred against each other intermittently and Israel laid siege to Judah with the backing of the king of Syria. King Asa sent tribute to Syria, bribing them to turn against Israel and fight on Judah’s behalf instead. The plan worked. Syria attacked the towns of Israel, causing them to abandon the siege to deal with their former ally and newest threat. Judah was saved but at what expense? God delivered Judah before when Asa cried out for help – he would have done it again. The prophet told King Asa that he erred in looking elsewhere for help, instead of to God. In trying to handle the situation in his own power, Asa brought lasting trouble upon his own head.

There are several versions of this scripture, I feel, having two subtly different meanings – one, using the example in the NIV, implies that God will give us strength and back us up in our endeavors. But the King James Version is my favorite, for it implies that God, himself, is waiting for an occasion to BE my strength, to rescue me from whatever calamity. It lets me know I can look to God for help; indeed, he is at the ready, searching for the very opportunity to be my Superman. He’s looking for an excuse – he wants to rescue me.

Sometimes, like King Asa, instead of looking to God, I try to work things out for myself. My mind works overtime, stimulated by some crisis, trying to figure out a solution to my problem, looking for help. In spite of how God has proven himself to me, I still try to do things in my own strength. I devise all kinds of plans to get myself out of the situations I sometimes find myself in. Most times, they actually work so I don’t feel the need to go to God. As long as I feel like I can handle it, I don’t ask. Sometimes, I even fool myself into believing I still have matters under control. But control is an illusion; I am increasingly convinced of this.

This life is not always easy to live. I might make it look easy, LOL – but it’s not. It’s always God at work in me, helping me, leading me. I know this. But I’ve actually deluded myself, at times, into thinking that I’ve done it alone. I said to my daughter once, “When I’m old, I don’t want you to take care of me.” I stubbornly insisted I didn’t need help – not her, not anyone – I am dependent on no one. But I knew it for a lie no sooner than it left my lips. I do nothing without help. Even when I don’t ask, I get plenty. No man is an island. Still, I’ve spent the greater part of my life in denial, always trying to work things out for myself, never ceding control.

When my son was in kindergarten, he had a really nice teacher. We, his dad and I, thought she was the greatest. But one thing nagged me – she didn’t meet him at his level. I’d spent a lot of time and energy preparing him for school. I wanted him to excel and be among the top in his class. I was preparing him for college, for goodness’ sake! But for her, there was no top. All of the children were taught at the same level, regardless of their ability. That was frustrating for me, as a parent.

The following year, we registered my daughter in kindergarten. Despite the previous year’s experience, we wanted her to have the same teacher. I’d resigned myself to kindergarten reality and figured at least, we knew who we were dealing with. But a funny thing happened – my daughter was put with a different teacher. As it turned out, this teacher was actually a better fit for all of us. She had a system in place that allowed her to teach each child at their level. My daughter was allowed and encouraged to excel. And her teacher was nominated for the Golden Apple Award, which I felt she truly deserved. Had I pushed and insisted on controlling that situation by putting my daughter with my son’s teacher, I would have cheated myself. I learned that I don’t always have to control the situation to get what I want or need. I can trust God for a favorable outcome.

A friend recently confided in me that she was in a really difficult place in her life right now. Her life is out of her control. She keeps coming up against road block after road block. She was depressed and entertaining thoughts of suicide. I understand. I’ve been there myself. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody’s life is in shambles at one time or another – truly. The good news is that our troubles are not extraordinary troubles. They are common, or normal – just “life” happening.

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

Summed up in four simple words – you can do it. You can make it. You can take it. When people say this to me, I am comforted and infused with confidence. When God says it, I am imbued with power and purpose because He is expressing confidence in me and what he has put in me. I used to doubt my ability to handle my problems but now, I just roll with it because God says I can deal. I am confident that He will not let us be so overwhelmed that it destroys us.

My daughter will go her senior on prom in little over a week. She graduates soon thereafter. This summer I will be busy getting her ready for college, as I did with my son last year. With all the preparations and subsequent celebrations, I imagine “life” will happen quite a bit. I am already overwhelmed by all that I have to do. I’m sure I will be tempted to try and work things out for myself. But today I remind myself that even when events may seem out of my control, He is still in control. I know he is just looking for an opportunity, so I will trust him to rescue me.

Be blessed,

Loria