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“…For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” James 1:6-8

“The main thing to remember is … don’t forget the main thing!” Unknown.

“I press on toward the goal unto the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:14

Have you ever listened to a sermon or attended a seminar where you heard something or received some knowledge and thought, “Wow! So and so should really be here to hear this! This really applies to them!” Well, the scripture about the “double-minded man” bounced around in my head for a few days and I thought to myself, “Yeah, some people are really double minded.” And then it bopped me on the head like the V-8 commercial – this applied to me.

Hey. I’m human. I make mistakes – all the time. I fall for some of the same tricks that most people fall for. But in order to keep from making the same mistakes, I try to learn from the past so that I can move on and make different mistakes. The trap that has ensnared me for years now is a technique my brother refers to as, pulling me off my square. Think of it as a game of say, chess or checkers, where each piece is supposed to occupy its own colored square. The trick is to get your opponent to commit to a move where you can take advantage of him. If you can get him to respond to what you are doing, instead of working his own strategy – to play your game instead of his own – you have successfully distracted him and in effect, pulled him off his own square. In other words, he got so caught up in what you were doing that he forgot his own purpose.

This trick has worked effectively on me for a few years now. Have you ever started something, some noble cause or ministry, or even something that you just really enjoy, only to be derailed by the efforts of others? I have. In the past, I’ve seen many tricks of the enemy that caused flourishing ministries to crumble, leaving them in ruins. Massive egos run amok (sometimes, my own), leaving destruction in their wake – everyone yielding to their inner “Id” – me, me, me. In the end, everyone loses and the enemy has won, for he has destroyed something that once began with such promise. Talents lay wasted as we go from some great purpose to no real purpose. I’ve watched many a great vision go up in smoke because of petty disagreements. And because we all forgot our main reason for even being there.

Sometimes, it’s not even others who distract us – we allow ourselves to be distracted for our own reasons. For instance, I may have allowed myself to be distracted from dieting and exercise by say, the offer of fast food or sweets from my (ex) husband, who may have wanted to sabotage me. He had his own reasons for wanting to maintain the status quo, even if it meant cheating himself out of a thinner, healthier wife. Maybe he was insecure about what it would mean for our relationship. But he is not to blame. I allowed it to happen for my own reasons – like, maybe hiding behind fat because maybe male attention makes me a little nervous at times. I’m just saying.

It’s a good thing that looking back in the past works both ways – I can remember my failures but I can also remember my successes. I remember being so focused that nothing could hinder me. I was on a mission! I recall moving forward with purpose, letting nothing sidetrack me, not even myself. I remember one summer where I laid out all of my goals and attacked them with a single mindedness that was stunning, even for me. I tackled a layoff, impending divorce and a hard real estate course in the space of a few months. Nothing slacking, nothing lacking. Meanwhile, my mother was in the hospital, recovering from a heart attack. It was a tough time for me, a desperate time, but I didn’t shirk from my responsibilities, nor give up my vision of the future. I saw each obstacle for what it was – merely an attempt to distract me from my true purpose. I felt like my family, our very survival, was at stake. With something so important on the line, I could not afford to let myself go off course so I kept my mind on the tasks at hand. Being able to see the big picture and being totally committed to my purpose bought me success.

I’ve been in the habit of looking back to learn from my mistakes; it’s very human to beat myself up over all the things I’ve done wrong. But now it’s time to learn from my success – to look forward – to take those lessons and apply them. I have found myself distracted for too long, pulled off my square, even more so in the past few years by myself, people and various events. I recently realized that this only happened whenever I forgot my purpose. For me, purpose brought clarity. I asked myself, “What am I really trying to accomplish? What’s really at stake?” At that moment, I knew – I saw the trick for what it was. It was not about the argument or distraction. It never was. It never is. It’s about keeping me from fulfilling my destiny.

Realizing that, I now move forward, putting aside the distractions. Knowing that I can no longer allow myself to be pulled off course and go chasing after them. That way lies destruction and certain failure. As long as I continue in that pattern I will never accomplish my true purpose or attain my goals in life. So I look back now, only to see what I’ve done well and what was successful. I use the past as my example and move forward with purpose now, staying focused and keeping my eye on the prize.

Be blessed,

Loria

“In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.” James 2:17-18 (NIV)

I’ve referenced the story before, of the ten lepers who were healed by Jesus. Jesus told them to go and show themselves to the priests, which was the custom of that time. According to the Law of Moses, the priest had to examine you and verify that you were cleansed of the disease. So Jesus told them to go present themselves – but they were not immediately cleansed at his words. The Bible says, “They were healed as they went.” It was their obedience, I am convinced, that netted that result.

I remember as I was growing up, every year around Easter time, the major television networks would present a new Jesus movie about his life and crucifixion. He was always portrayed, in my mind, as a bit of a milksop – no emotion, walking around bestowing miracles upon the common folks with this benign, I-am-not-of-this-world look on his face. (All he needed was a fairy wand!) That portrayal, of course, denies his very humanity and the passion behind his actions. His love for us is why he died for us. I know that he had emotions – his very actions prove the depth of his emotions. Neither is God passive, sitting high up on a throne, looking down on us mere mortals as we try to figure it all out. His very name, his personal name, means action. “I am”, is similar to the Hebrew verb or phrase, “to be” – it signifies that he constantly is. In action, that is. In fact, he is so concerned with our lives and so invested in the outcome that he set a plan in motion to save us, even before we knew we needed a savior.

Society, in presenting a very watered down version of Jesus, has done a disservice to us all. Namby-pamby, washed out, bland and one dimensional – who wants to be like that? And Jesus’ image is not the only thing that has suffered. Our concept of faith has also been corrupted. As much as we view Jesus as very passive (as in, “turn the other cheek”), we see faith as something belonging only to religious fanatics. “The name and claim it bunch,” as some refer to them, are given to zealously sprouting scriptures regarding faith in an effort to draw blessings to themselves. But for all the aggressiveness displayed in quoting scripture and calling down blessings “In Jesus’ name!” this too, is passive. True faith doesn’t belong to those who only claim it.

Real faith does. Faith is actually an action – think of it as a verb, rather than a noun. It’s something you do, rather than something you possess. I will show you my faith by what I do and how I live, not just by what I speak. Actions can be very revealing. For instance, if I believe that second hand smoke will kill me as surely as if I were a smoker, you couldn’t pay me to be in the same room with someone who smokes. If I believe chemicals and pesticides are harmful in my food, I would purchase and consume only organic foods. And, if I really thought that sitting too close to the television or reading in the dark would ruin my eyesight or that when I make a gruesome face, it might quite possibly be stuck like that, I wouldn’t do it. My actions are driven by my beliefs.

One of my favorite cable TV shows is Rob & Big on MTV – I am a fan of Rob’s sidekick, “Big,” a huge, black bodyguard. He has a phrase that can encompass all that faith is: “I do work!” As evidenced by the 10 lepers – the blessing is in the doing. It is in our obedience (or sometimes, like Abraham, in just doing something and hoping for direction along the way) that we receive our blessing. The lepers were healed as they went. They were healed as they obeyed. They were blessed as they acted. A simple “I believe” was not enough. They had to put their faith to work.

All evidence, I believe, points to a God who values action because he, himself, is action. I like to say He is a Nike kind of God, putting me in mind of the old commercial and slogan, “Just do it!” I see him as always working, always moving on our behalf. If we are to emulate him, we too, must become people of action. We must believe, we must speak and then we must have the actions that accompany what we believe and say.

As Christians, we are forever being scrutinized. It has been said that people will always remember how you made them feel. I would add to that, they will remember what you do, what you say and also, if your actions line up with your words. People can be quick to assign the “hypocrite” label when they see otherwise. Your life is your testimony, not just your words. The apostles had their testimonies, or written accounts, of their encounters with Jesus and how it changed their lives and the lives of those around them. They wrote letters, especially Paul, detailing their accounts to believers in their times. These letters have survived the test of time and been handed down to us, in the form of the Bible. But our own letters, our own accounts, are still being played out. As living “epistles” or letters (2 Corinthians 3:2-3), our lives are being read here and now. It could be that the greatest letter has yet to be written. And people everywhere are watching and reading us, that they may emulate us. So let’s get to work.

Be blessed,

Loria

What am I doin’? What am I doin’?
Oh, yeah, that’s right, I’m doin’ me
I’m doin me – I’m livin’ life right now, mayne
And this what I’ma do ’til it’s over
‘Til it’s over but it’s far from over…. “Over” by Drake

“If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?” 
1 Corinthians 12:17

First off, let’s get one thing straight – I don’t listen to rap or Drake. I’m not that cool. But the kids love him, especially the young girls. He’s cute. One night they were blasting this rap song and nodding their heads to it. I haven’t been able to get the chorus “I’m doin’ me, I’m doin’ me!” out of my head ever since. Picture me shaking my head and waving my hands like Flava Flav back in the day. “You do you – I’ma do me,” has become my mantra over the years. It’s how I encourage folks to chart their own course and find their own success.

I’ve written before about my struggle to understand my gifts and my responsibility to use them. It took a while for things to click, for me to just get it. “Not that I have already attained” but I’m getting there. I tend to be the kind of person who overlooks the obvious because it’s too obvious. I pride myself on taking the road less traveled. The original rebel without a clue, I fought against anything that just seemed too easy. So you see how I could sing for years and not understand it was my gift just because it was the obvious choice. And, although I was drawn more and more to my bible, I discounted my ability to recall and retell the stories. I thought anyone could do that. These gifts had no value because they seemed easy enough to come by and common enough. Still, I asked God continuously, “What is my gift?”

Then I thought to myself, what if the obvious choice is a blatant clue? No more scratching my head and asking for direction. What if all along, my natural gifts were being revealed in how easily something came to me? Or in how much I was drawn to it? Or in the way the outcome was blessed? What if I could know my gift in how good I became at certain things? What if the gifts were revealed in just living my life to the best of my ability? In just doing me? Could it be that simple?

When we were young ladies, my sister and I thought about making our own clothes. How cool would that be? And it should be easy enough to learn – our mother was a seamstress. She could make anything. So we went to our mother and got her to teach us. My sister took to it immediately. Me, on the other hand, not so much. I don’t think I ever really wanted to sew as much as I liked the idea of being able to sew. It should have been fun but it wasn’t for me. My mother finally gave up in frustration, “You’ll never learn to sew!” For years, I blamed her. I thought it was because she gave up or because of what she said. But I soon realized that I wasn’t driven enough, I didn’t love it enough to pursue it. My sister went on to become quite creative in sewing and making things for her home – she’s a regular Martha Stewart. I’ve accepted my talents do not lie in that area and just ask her! But I inherited my mother’s talent for cooking and my sister will ask me to make those family favorites that our mother used to make.

It never fails to astound me the number of people who want to follow and emulate others. True, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, still, I am puzzled. Your greatest success can only be in being true to yourself and in realizing your own gifts. I am a firm believer that no one can outdo you, doing you. Michael Jordan used to say that when he was “in the zone”, no one could touch him. Similarly, when you are accepting and using the gifts that God has given you for your life, for your contribution to society, you are untouchable. You are one hundred percent original and no one can copy you. No one will ever be able to “do you”, successfully. At best, they can be but a pale imitation. So why try? The answer lies in the success of the subject being imitated. Whatever they did worked, therefore, it stands to reason that if you do it, it could work for you, too.

But here’s the kicker, they only made it look easy because it is their gift. Some people can whip up an entire meal, effortlessly, while others struggle to boil water. Some folks can plan a wonderful, spectacular event with all the trimmings while someone else cannot plan a simple get together for lunch. Some can stand in front of a crowd, seemingly at ease, while others are crippled with stage fright. And some are charismatic, a pied piper, leading others into great adventures. Their success is in their natural inclinations, their gifts. It is why these things appear easy for them. But all of these people have something in common – they are being true to themselves and just doing what comes naturally. Sometimes we devalue what God has given us. We don’t trust in what he has given us that makes us great. That’s because we don’t see what God sees.

We used to have aquariums in my home. We tried to create the perfect environment for the fish and turtles to live in. Everything they could need – food, oxygen, filtering system – was right there. One day I had an epiphany: That’s exactly what God has done for us! He created this world with everything we could ever need to live and enjoy life. Even our bodies were created to be perfect, each member working in harmony with the whole. The Bible likens us, as individuals, to be parts of the body of Christ – made up of multiple limbs and organs, each having a unique function but all made to work together. And so, the scripture argues that we all are needed, whatever our gift may be. No one person should be envious or covetous of another’s gift because their own is just as important to the success of the entire body. God has made us all to be vital to its function. Whatever he has given you to do is necessary.

Sometimes when we look at our gifts and abilities and our place in the world, all we see is our insignificance – kind of like George in It’s a Wonderful Life. We don’t see our own importance. My father used to say “You should always walk like someone is following.” So even though I can’t always see that my life makes a difference, I try to live my life like it does. There is something to be said for simply being you. And that’s pretty darn terrific.

Be blessed,

Loria

“So that your trust may be in the LORD, I teach you today, even you.” Proverbs 22:19

“Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced,”  1 Chronicles 16:12

It’s that time of year when we get to see the classic movie, The Ten Commandments (Yul Brynner and Charlton Heston duke it out for possession of the Israelites) AND re-enactments of The Passion of Christ in its various incarnations. Depending on your faith, this is the time to celebrate Passover or Easter Sunday (also known as Resurrection Day). You’ll be unable to avoid seeing mention of either this weekend – it’s because they are both linked together. Despite our familiarity with these holidays, I recently heard of a poll that indicated 42% of Americans do not know what this season is about. So here it is, in a nutshell:

Many Old Testament laws have been disregarded as obsolete and inspired by a God who wants to “get you” whenever you break one. But actually, a lot of these laws point to the remedy for our sin (and separation from God) – a reconciliation through his son, Jesus. This is most evident during the time of Passover, when God delivered his people from Egypt by many plagues – the last being the death of the firstborn of the Egyptians. Israel was spared from all of the plagues, including the last which required a blood sacrifice. The blood of a lamb was painted on the door posts so when the death angel came calling, he would “pass over”, sparing the occupants (Exodus 12:13). Similarly Christ, “the Lamb of God” (John 1:29) provides protection for us – when his blood was shed, it covered us. He is “our Passover Lamb” (1 Corinthians 5:7) so that the final death will “pass over” us, too.

Now, I love The Ten Commandments – it was made during a time “when movies were movies”. Although parts of it were biblically inaccurate, it told a great story and the special effects were grand and spectacular. I still can’t get enough of the parting of the Red Sea; it was the Avatar of its day. But my thoughts are elsewhere today; I’m drawn to the other side of that miracle. After the brouhaha died down. After Pharaoh, his charioteers and their horses were gone in one fell swoop. After the Israelites crossed the Red Sea, as if on dry land. After this great miracle of deliverance, what happened? The Israelites completely forgot who delivered them. God gave them water when they were thirsty in the desert and provided manna from heaven to make bread. He even gave them meat when they grumbled and complained. Yet they spurned Moses and rebelled against God many times. They didn’t trust that God wanted the best for them and that he would take care of them, despite how many times he had proven himself.

It can be said that you can only trust someone as well as you know them. As a mom, this is vividly illustrated each time my kids ask if they can go somewhere, with someone. My answer is always the same – it depends. How well do I know the person you’re going with? Do I know their family? How responsible is the parent with their own children? I could not, in good conscience, leave my children with a parent that did not exhibit the same care as I did with my own. Trust is not given lightly, it’s based on relationships. I know how well I can trust you in the future, based on what you’ve done in the past. When I have issues with trust, it’s usually because I remember a person’s track record all too well.

Still, I’ve been as guilty as the Israelites in the past; I had problems remembering what God has already done. This memory loss brought on anxiety. Over and over, I worried and fretted, questioned his ability to take care of me. Wondered if he cared. And the answer came back the same every time – he’s proven that I can trust him, so I will. He continues to show me. Sometimes, I get these huge, earth shattering, parting-of-the-Red-Sea revelations and at other times he reminds me in small ways. Like when my check engine light came on for a week and then, just as suddenly went off. That may seem like a small thing but for me, it was huge. It meant that I didn’t have to pay a repair bill or suffer the inconvenience of being without my car during a really hectic time in my life. It was just one less thing to deal with and I appreciated it. “Thank you, Lord,” I whispered, just as grateful for the small miracle as I am for the large.

Today is my daughter’s birthday. The big 18! She’s ecstatic, over the moon excited. Her dilemma today is the same as it is every birthday – will anyone care? Will anyone remember? Will anyone try to make her day special? My daughter expends a lot of energy towards making everyone else’s day special. She loves holidays and all the trappings. Birthdays, she celebrates with a special kind of fervor. But she is never satisfied. At the end of the day, she is usually unhappy because she didn’t get the kind of commitment and attention to her day that she’s given to others. She expects that when she puts out that kind of effort, she should get a return. And she’s right. She should and she will. But often she looks for the return to come from the folks she’s invested it in. It doesn’t always happen that way – sometimes a complete stranger can bless you. If you’re so busy looking at what you don’t have or what people didn’t do, you’ll miss it.

I passed on to her a lesson that I’ve learned over time. If you put out good things, they’ll come back to you. You can trust that. If you have good friends, trust them to be kind to you and treat you well on your special day (but also take some responsibility for making your own day great). And you can trust that God loves you and wants the best for you – he’s concerned about even the small things in your life. Like whether your birthday is great or if the check engine light is on in your car. Or when you don’t get the things or the recognition you feel you deserve. Or when you are mistreated and your character maligned. Remember, you can trust him to care. You can trust him to take care of you.

Be blessed,

Loria

“The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.”
Exodus 15:2

“Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise.” James 5:13

Surgery. The orthopedic doctor’s verdict sounded, to me, like a death sentence. My mom had fallen and broken her hip. Eighty three years old with health issues, how could she survive surgery? Moreover, surgery is something she always said she never wanted to have. But the forecast was bleak without it – unable to walk for the rest of her days, bedridden and all the complications that came along with being in such a state permanently. We had a horrible decision to make: Risk that she may not live through the surgery versus the risk that she wouldn’t have much of a life without it. I was heartbroken at the prospect of losing my mother. The very idea reduced me to a little girl.

Initially, my reaction was “She can’t survive surgery!” But I gradually made my peace with it as I saw it was inevitable. I began to feel good about the surgery and her chances to survive it. I felt like my mom would be alright. Until the time came to schedule the surgery and the reality of our predicament hit me. They left the choice to us. I lost it then – I was a mess. I’ve already made plans to go into a catatonic state when my mom leaves this world. Whenever that day comes, it will be too soon. I cried as we considered the alternative – could we live with that? Could she? Whatever the outcome, it was an ugly decision. My mom agreed to the surgery, taking the decision out of our hands.

Her hospital roommate, an angel, heard us and comforted us, saying, “Your mother will be fine! We’re tough!” God bless her for those words. Being a mom herself, and having survived brain surgery, she could appreciate both sides of the situation. She said, “Kiss your mama and pray for her. She gone be fine!” I was reminded of who my mom, the woman, once was. And if my mom said yes to the surgery, she must have determined that she would make it. She was fighting to live and if she wasn’t giving up, neither was I. So I told the nurse to schedule the surgery. On the way home, I thought about my last article (see Family Ties) and my words came back to encourage me – family is strength. For many years, my mother poured her prayers and strength into her family. Now it was time for us to return the favor.

So I called my brothers, told them the deal and asked for their prayers. Then I called my children and friends. And I posted my prayer request on FaceBook. Soon, I had a great number of people praying that my mom’s surgery would be a success. I was comforted and more confident that she would be ok. I woke up early the next morning, determined to be present for the surgery when another dilemma presented itself. Surgery had been rescheduled to the afternoon. By that time, I was supposed to be an hour away with my daughter at her college luncheon. I can tell you, being a mother, daughter, sister and gainfully employed makes for some hard decisions. It sucks. Sometimes my children win, at times my siblings, oftentimes, my job and more recently, my mom. I try to make the very best decision I can and hope for the best.

Reasoning that I had really done all that I could do for my mother – I left my sister to stay with her and went ahead with our plans to go to the luncheon. My kids sometimes give up a lot and can be very understanding. But I didn’t want to let my daughter down. So I left a message with the nurse, hoping that the doctor would reschedule (again) and enable me to be there. My mother was never far from my mind. I continued to pray for her as I drove. My son joined us at the luncheon and I invoked the power of family again; the three of us prayed for her as the time for her surgery neared. I trust my kids to pray with me more than anyone. They are wise and spiritual (for kids) and I know that they understand the power of family prayer. They “get it”, having reaped its benefits, many times over. This time, we sent prayers UP the pipeline.

We left the luncheon as soon as we were able, leaving early. I thought about my mom and the fact that I hadn’t received word from my sister yet. As we got into the car, my daughter asked if I had heard anything. “No,” I replied. She asked if I would call my sister and ask about the surgery. No, again. I told her, if she has anything bad to tell me, she won’t call me. And if she doesn’t call me, I don’t want to know right now. I’m too far away to do anything about it. I thought to myself – I would know if something bad happened. I would feel it, I was sure.

As we hit the toll road I was suddenly cheerful as a song by Fred Hammond came to me. I sang it over and over, louder and more cheerful. I got my daughter to join in. We bobbed our heads to the song and I knew, it wasn’t just a song – something had happened. We were praising God:

For the Lord is worthy to be praised
His hand of salvation redeems us this hour
To the Lord, beyond the balance of our days
Be glory and honor do-minion and power!

My cell phone rang. It was my sister. Telling me what my heart already knew. My mom was out of surgery. It was successful and she was recovering just fine. Yeah, God sometimes speaks to me through songs. I delivered the news to my daughter and she began to make the calls, passing the good news along. When she finished, she began to sing a song by J. Moss:

There’s a praise on the inside that I just can’t keep to myself
A holler, stirring up from the depths of my soul
So excuse me if I seem a little giddy and maybe even strange
But praise is the way I say thanks …

Be blessed,

Loria

P.S. “Glory to God” is by Fred Hammond.

“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”  Matthew 18:19-20

So, Joseph was the favorite son of Jacob – born of the favorite wife, Rachel, who then died while giving birth to another son, Benjamin. Joseph’s favored status (and his dreams of being elevated above his family) caused such a strain with his brothers that they hated him – enough to wish him dead – enough to act upon it. Some of the older brothers took Joseph and roughed him up and threw him into a pit, later selling him as a slave. They ripped his famous coat of many colors, covered it with blood and led his father to believe he’d been killed by wild animals. Joseph wound up a slave in Egypt, then wrongfully imprisoned, before being released by Pharaoh. He found himself installed in the second highest office in the land because of his dream interpreting abilities. Turns out, those dreams of his came true. This begged the question: Was all this really brought on by sibling rivalry? Seriously? What was really going on?

As my friend always says, ask God a question and you’ll get an answer. It occurred to me recently, that this was not just about family squabbles but more about destroying this family and trying to prevent them from fulfilling their destiny. Jacob, or Israel, was the son of Isaac, the son of Abraham. God promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations but he made a special covenant through the descendants of Isaac. From Isaac came twin sons, Esau and Jacob. The covenant carried on through Jacob’s descendants – twelve sons, destined to become 12 tribes and the nation of Israel. Israel the man became Israel the nation, through whom all the nations of the world would be blessed, for Jesus comes from the line of his son, Judah.

Incidentally, Judah is the brother who sold Joseph into slavery for twenty pieces of silver. Selling him was a compromise – Judah initially wanted to kill him. Wow. What better way to thwart Judah’s future than to have his brother’s life on his hands? Imagine the guilt of that. To Judah, this probably seemed like a good plan to derail Joseph’s future but thankfully, God had a better plan. God used this horrible betrayal to put Joseph IN power, in a land of plenty, during a time of famine, so that he could save his family. Think about it – no Joseph, no food, no future. God took these evil events and used them to fulfill his good purpose so Judah was forgiven for the part he played. Joseph was restored to his father and treated as the firstborn – he received a double portion among his brothers. His one tribe was reckoned as two, according to his sons, Ephraim and Manasseh. It was a good thing for all that Joseph’s brothers were not able to destroy him, his future and by extension, their own future with their actions.

I thought of the story of Joseph and his brothers and related it to my own family squabbles. Everyone has a story of sibling rivalry. But is it really about the squabble or about something bigger and deeper? What’s really going on? Is there a bigger picture to consider, a destiny for your family to fulfill? What if in tearing down your sibling, you are tearing down yourself or affecting your future? It came to me that there is so much power in unity. But therein lies the problem – unity is dangerous to evil. Divided we can do little but together we can accomplish so much. We can be a force to be reckoned with! But we allow petty squabbles to divide us and cause us to compete with one another to keep us from fulfilling our true purpose. Family is strength. Family is where our power lies. It’s our foundation for everything – for our churches, for our society. Families fall apart and so goes everything else. It’s all dependent on the family unit. So it follows, as we destroy our family relationships it will affect our future.

When my friends admit to me that they enjoy talking or visiting with siblings that they normally don’t get along with, they sound amazed AND a little bit guilty. A friend of mine recently confessed to me, she sounded surprised, that she really enjoyed some time she spent with a sibling. Like, she shouldn’t be having a good time with someone who has previously tormented her. But why be surprised? This is the natural order, not the rivalry – even though that’s been going on since Cain and Abel. That unity, God’s plan for the family, predates fratricide. More people, being of one mind, equals more power. That’s why group prayer is so powerful. Studies have been conducted to prove it. That’s why our family unit is so important and why it constantly comes under attack. That is why marriages are failing and families are estranged. It is so our power will be diluted and we will stand defenseless against the enemy.

My sister recently remarked to me, “Your first reaction is always negative.” My response: “What? ME? You!” And we went back and forth about it for a few minutes. I was a little steamed because I felt misjudged, especially since I try very hard to be encouraging. Apparently, she has been missing out on that most excellent part of moi. I let it go (this time!) because even though it’s untrue, it’s her perception and might as well be true. I didn’t realize that was how she saw me. But I’m not willing to let that divide us because it is so small. Our number has dwindled. We’ve lost a sister and a brother so losing each other has become a real possibility. And some of us are not as close, geographically and relationally. So what we have, we hold on to, we treasure. We stand by each other. My brother told me recently that he is praying for me – that was touching and powerful. I am grateful for his prayers. I need them. I feel stronger just knowing that. I think now, at this stage in our lives, we’re getting past the sibling rivalries. Like Joseph and his brothers, we’re realizing we need each other to stand and to be strong and to have a future.

Be blessed,

Loria

P.S. You can find the entire story of Joseph in the book of Genesis, chapters 37 thru 50.

I suppose you could say Jacob, the “supplanter,” was born wanting more. He had a twin; the two babies struggled in the womb for position. His brother, Esau, emerged first. Jacob followed, literally, “on his heels,” as he grasped Esau’s ankle. Jacob lost that first battle but set the stage for the early part of their lives: two brothers striving for supremacy. Because he was the eldest son, Esau pretty much had it made. He was entitled to the birthright (the greater share of the inheritance) and the blessing that came along with it. Esau was a hunter and he loved to be outdoors. Jacob was “a man who dwelt in tents,” or a homebody and favored by his mother. The two brothers could not be more different. Their mother, Rebekah, was cunning – I guess spending so much time with her was bound to rub off on Jacob.

There came a day when their father, Isaac, was old and thought he was on his death bed. Preparing to get his affairs in order, he called Esau to him so that he could impart the blessing he had reserved for his firstborn, and favorite, son. Now Esau, because he’d already sold his birthright to his brother Jacob for a bowl of porridge, wanted to claim his blessing. Perhaps Esau “despised” his birthright in selling it so cheaply but I don’t think he ever really planned on parting with it. He probably figured he could just physically intimidate Jacob. But the blessing was his ace in the hole. It was important to him. If all else failed and he had to hold up to his bargain with Jacob, he would have that, at least. But Jacob didn’t even allow him that comfort. He and his mother devised a plan to trick Isaac into blessing Jacob, instead of Esau. And Isaac unknowingly blessed Jacob, giving him what belonged to the firstborn. Esau was furious and Rebekah was forced to send her beloved Jacob away to save him from his brother’s wrath. So Isaac sent Jacob on a mission – to go to his Uncle Laban’s house (the brother of Rebekah) and get a wife from among their kin.

There, he met his cousin, Rachel and immediately fell in love with her. He struck a bargain with the uncle. Because he came with nothing to offer, he would work for his bride for seven years. He loved her so much, the time flew by. But after the marriage he learned that he, for a change, had been tricked. Not the beautiful Rachel but her sister, Leah, had been wed to him. Laban agreed to give Rachel to Jacob if he worked another seven years. So Jacob worked hard for Laban for fourteen years, increasing his livestock. But Laban deceived Jacob repeatedly, changing his wages whenever it suited him. Jacob eventually tired of the games, gathered his family and possessions and set off for home.

By this time, Jacob‘s family had expanded to include the children of Leah, Rachel and their handmaidens. He was well on his way to becoming the father of twelve tribes and a great nation. Rachel, his favorite wife, had even managed to bear a child, Joseph – of The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat fame. As they traveled home, Jacob received word that his brother, Esau was coming to meet them. Jacob was struck with terror for his vulnerable young family. He feared his chickens were finally coming home to roost and Esau must be coming for payback. Jacob prepared to meet his brother with trepidation, softening him up by sending many gifts of livestock in advance. He hoped to save his family and his own life. Envisioning the worst case scenario, he divided his family into groups, so that some of them would have a chance at surviving an attack. He kept Rachel and Joseph, treasured above all, closest to him. Their lives were on the line.

That night, Jacob went to sleep. In the middle of the night, he was accosted by a strange man. Jacob grabbed him and wrestled with him. They grappled into the dawn, dislocating Jacob’s hip but still, he wouldn’t let go. Finally the angel, for that is who he’d wrestled with, said to him “Let me go, for the daybreak is coming.” Jacob knew that the angel must surely carry a message – it’s kind of what they do. So he replied, “Not until you bless me!” He meant, “What have you come to show me?” There had to be a reason for this display. The angel asked “What is your name?”

Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome.” (Genesis 32:28)

Message delivered. His former name was an account of his life, to date – the deceit and trickery that he’d used to supplant his brother from his rightful position. The things he’d done which caused him to run away, rather than face his brother’s anger, he now had to deal with. During his absence, Jacob grew up and learned it wasn’t right to deceive people just to get what you wanted. Having been on the receiving end of such treachery, he was wiser. When the angel changed his name, he acknowledged that personal transformation. He let Jacob know, “That’s not who you are any longer!” Because God had blessed him so much, he no longer envied Esau or anyone their possessions. No longer would he use his inherited cunning and devious nature for ill gotten gain. He was not that person anymore, nor was he bound by his past. He came away from that experience stronger. His reality changed. He was able to face his brother, who was quite happy to see him, as it turned out.

Lately, when faced with situations, temptations or desires that used to defeat me, I get a mental picture of wrestling. I used to think it was me, grappling with that particular issue and trying to overcome it. “Wrestling with my demons,” so to speak. Now, I’ve come to another realization, for this story has stuck with me. God is giving me a message, too. “You can overcome what you’ve done, all of your past sins and defeats. And what you have become is not all there is – I want to bless you truly and give you a new name and a new future. You’re not wrestling with demons; you’re wrestling with me as I fight with you, for you. I want to improve you and to bless you beyond belief. I want to show you who you really are.” I realize now, the fight is to get me to let go of that person I was, so that he can show me who I truly am.

Be blessed,

Loria

“Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.”
Psalm 71-:18

“So the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.” Psalm 78:6

People in my family are all big talkers. When we get together, we can talk through the night and into the early hours of the morning. It’s what we do. So when my brother came to town to visit and stayed in my home, I knew we were overdue for one of our long sessions where we sit down and try to delve into deep matters and solve the problems of the world. This night, our focus was more on personal growth and resolving past issues in our own lives – how to move forward and stop repeating the mistakes of the past. He told me of a conversation he had with our late father, who was not a demonstrative man like most people of his generation. Physical displays of affection just didn’t happen. But he tried to show he cared for us in his own way – by talking. He never failed to have a sermon on his lips, a lesson or a story. He believed he should be prepared to “preach in season and out of season”. So he talked to my brother one day about how he had a personal responsibility to raise his sons or they would be lost. He told my brother, “We could lose an entire generation.” That conversation made an impression on my brother and he never forgot. My father put the load squarely upon his shoulders – he could not fail the next generation.

Fast forward 20 plus years – he claims he’s only 26 and still looks pretty young, I’ll give him that – my brother has lived his life and made some mistakes. He’s lived to regret some of the things he’s done. Surprisingly, he reached out to me and my kids. He came to stay with me for a while – in hindsight, I suspect he knew I needed help. He soon became a welcome presence at my house and filled the role of the loving, indulgent uncle. He remembered how our own uncles mentored him and followed their example. I credit him (and other men who stepped up to the plate) with mentoring my son and for earnestly trying to provide a good example for him in his father’s absence. The kids loved his visits and his presence helped to heal us. I wonder now if he felt he was doing this for his own family, by proxy. I guess in reaching out to help me and my family, he also healed himself of guilt over his past and saw where he could make changes.

I feel like my brother learned from his interaction with the kids. He saw things from my ex husband’s perspective and he understood why my ex was initially unable to reach out to his own son. But he was also able to see, thru my children, his own kids’ perspective and how his sons (now grown) yet still needed him. He could see that divorce had not affected my children’s capacity to love and respect their father. He reached out to my son, giving him the love and guidance that he wished he could have given his own sons. By this time, his sons were raising their own sons. How could they raise their sons or relate to them, talk to them, teach them, mentor them without having an example? Would they grow up to make the same mistakes that he did, thereby passing that mentality down to their offspring? The responsibility that our father laid on him so long ago resurfaced, demanding that he take action. My brother resolved that he did not want to lose an entire generation.

So he reached out to his own children. Kids have an amazing ability to forgive their parents and love unconditionally. They stand ready to welcome you back into their lives because deep down – they still want to see you (the parent) as their hero. They don’t want you to have feet of clay. They want to see a mom or dad who can still do anything. They have distant memories of riding high on your shoulders or watching as you fixed a broken toy that seemed beyond repair. They want to believe in you again. It took real courage for my brother to take that step. Change is hard but also necessary if you want to avoid the collision course that you (and your family) may be on. In taking a proactive approach, he’s doing what’s needed to avert disaster. And he’s living proof that that it’s never too late to live down your mistakes and live up to your expectations. Even at the ripe old age of … 26.

Many times we feel powerless over the path our lives have taken. Some of us give up because we feel we cannot make a difference; it’s too late. We cannot undo the past. We think even if we change what we’re doing right now, it won’t help. We can’t change how we’ve hurt people in the past or how our actions have impacted the lives of our loved ones.

But I believe that we are empowered to make big changes by the success of the small changes. Each step brings us closer to our ultimate goal and gives us confidence to make the next step. Before we know it, we are striding forward purposefully, marching even, steamrolling over obstacles in our determination to create a better future. Similarly, it can take just one person to impact the next generation. One person can make that difference – even if it’s only in their own little corner of the world. It starts with us and the examples and standards we set for our families. And in doing so, we all take on the challenge to salvage the “lost” generation.

Be blessed,

Loria

“And Jesus, moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and touched him, and saith unto him, I will; be thou clean.”  Mark 1:41 (KJV)

When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”  John 5:6 (NIV)

If you’re like me, you’re struggling with some issue or some bad habit that you cannot seem to overcome. It has come up repeatedly and seems to constantly defeat you. If you’re not like me and you’re looking for the perfect Christian representative, I suggest you stop reading now. My life is far from perfect. I am a work in progress. I know we Christians invest an awful lot of energy into appearing perfect, like all is well in our lives. It’s because we have been conditioned to believe that we must be doing something wrong if all is not well. Well, something is wrong but it may not be that we are lying, cheating, stealing or doing something that is obviously wrong. The problem may lie in our mindset. I believe if we can change the way we think, we can change our lives. As Dr. Phil says, “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.” Or put another way, “Only a fool believes he can continue to do the same thing and get a different result.”

I want to bring your attention to two miracles of Jesus from the Bible. A man with leprosy came to Jesus and begged: “Lord, if you are willing, you can heal me.” Jesus replied, “I am willing.” Many times we petition God in the same manner, leaving the matter up to him. We say, “If you want to, you can help me.” Things may not work out in the way we would like, leaving us angry because we feel he didn’t want to help us. Or we say, “It wasn’t His will.” In the second example, a crippled man waited by a pool that was believed to have miraculous healing power. Jesus asked the man, “Do you want to be healed?” The man answered him with excuses. He skirted the issue by saying, “Well, I would like to but I don’t have anyone to help me into the water.” This was not an answer to the question. Jesus came to help him but was he willing to be healed? I believe the same applies to us today: Are you willing? Are you willing to be stirred from excuses and self pity? To stop assigning blame? To lay all that aside and get to the root of the problem? To dare to do something differently? Do you have the courage to take on the issues of your life and make the necessary changes? It occurred to me that, sometimes, it may be that we are missing that important piece of prayer – our own cooperation. It may be that He IS willing but our progress is hampered because we are not willing (or maybe don’t understand how) to do our own part.

My daughter, typical teenager that she is, frequently thinks her world is coming to an end. Every molehill becomes a mountain. As a result, she has spent a good portion of her teendom in a sulk over this issue or that. Touchy AND moody. But then again, I cannot blame her – I believe she comes by these traits honestly. She gets them from me. And I, even seeing my flaws, was quite content to be that person until I saw those flaws magnified in her. “Whoa!” I thought. I’ve got to get a handle on this. I’ve got to find a better way. Understandably, my daughter was pretty broken up over the divorce. She really loved her daddy. And she loved me, too – I was her hero. There was a period of adjustment when, it seemed, all we did was scream at each other. That was a rough time for us both – and for my son who had to witness it. Bless him. But I refused to give up. I refused to lose my children, too. I looked into my future and saw a daughter who hated me, who never came to visit because our relationship was so strained. I saw a son who refused to be in the same house with us because of our bickering. I did not want THAT to be our future. So one day I told my daughter, “I love you. I don’t want to lose you. I want us to be close. So I’m choosing to relate to you in a different way.”

Well, we’ve had plenty of arguments since that day. But on the whole, our life and relationship is much better. We’ve resolved a lot. We talk a lot. We cry a lot. She made a choice that day, too. She learned that it was ok to still love her father. And I am still her hero (her words, not mine)! Recently, I decided to apply that mentality to some of my present day struggles. I learned from what worked in the past and decided to use it to change my life. Some things I have prayed for years for God to take away from me – things I am ashamed of, things that do not make me a good Christian – I realized that they were but a choice for me. If I choose to live my life differently, I can. Now I say to those desires that used to entrap me, “I don’t want to be that person anymore.” I picture myself wrestling and saying, “I’m reaching for something better, something higher.”

I know that sounds like a lofty goal but so far, it’s working for me. I still struggle but I think this is helping me to keep my future goal in sight. I’m living in the present, with my mind set on who I want to become. Nope – I’m still not perfect. Like most people, I’m doing the best that I can, with what I have, on most days. But now, at least, I have a plan. I am choosing a more excellent way. The question has become, “Do you want to be a better person and live a different life? Would you like to overcome these obstacles that prevent you from doing so?” And my answer to that is, “I am willing.”

Be blessed,

Loria

“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”  Romans 12:3

“Then Peter opened his mouth, and said, Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons:”  Acts 10:34

Once, while volunteering at preschool, a little boy sat in my lap talking to me and playing. He looked at my face and touched my moles – to some folks they look like raised freckles. To me they look like freckles in 3D but I’ve learned to live with them. I’ve made my peace with my appearance but sometimes, it can be alarming to small children – as was the case with this little man. He looked at my face and frowned. “What’s wrong with your face?” He said, appalled. Used to the question after all these years, I answered, “They’re moles.” And I smiled to let him know it was ok. “Why you got them on your face?” He wanted to know. You should have heard him say “face”, like I was hideously disfigured. He tried to pinch one and pull it off. I could have told him that wouldn’t work – been wishing for that for years. I tried to come up with a way to explain them and make us both feel better – hey, I was starting to feel a little self-conscious. I said, “God gave them to me to make me special.” I realized then it was true. They are part of what makes me, me. He considered that for a moment and then frowned, displeased again. “Why didn’t God make me special, too?” He pouted and touched his face. Suddenly he wanted moles – especially if they were the mark of God’s favor! I laughed and assured him that God made him special, too.

Everybody has a job and a calling and none is more important than the other. Just in case you’re wondering, my gift is not the mighty power of my moles. Into my early adulthood I often wondered and I would ask God – what is my gift? It’s really akin to asking “What is my purpose in life?” I thought if I had a handle on that, everything would fall into place. My life would make sense; it would have meaning. I would know where my place was in this world and in what capacity I could serve. I could know God’s plan for my life. I remember hearing people talk about their “gifts” and not having a clue of what mine was. I mean, Stevie Wonder is a wonder, and Whitney Houston had her voice. Some people magically learn how to play musical instruments by ear. And some have voices that reach to the rafters. It seemed that God had given me nothing that was usable – nothing that made me special. I felt a little cheated.

The problem, I later found, was not that I didn’t have gifts but in how I perceived them. At first, they didn’t seem to be BIG enough for me to do great things. They just seemed to be so-so. Then I read the parable of the talents (see – What will you do with your talent? ) and realized that whatever I have been given, however small in measure, is my responsibility to make grow. Long story, short – I worked with what I had until I was entrusted with more. Soon, I had to tackle another issue – accepting what he’d called me to do. The gift has led to my calling. I was at war with myself, unable to believe that God would endow me with such talent. Like Moses, when God tapped him on the shoulder and called him to service, I thought to myself – “Who, ME?” I finally resolved this by slapping myself upside the head and telling myself, “Get over it! No, it doesn’t make sense that he would call YOU. You’re right – you’re NOT worthy! But you are who you are. This is your gift and this is what you have been called to do.” Having made that determination, I set out to “walk in my gift”.

This presented yet another problem. See, I know that God loves me. Sometimes I feel like his favored child; petted and adored. I look at all the gifts he has given me and all that he does for me as evidence of his love and proof of my standing with him. He loves me. I remember when it wasn’t always so, when I didn’t feel so special. I wasn’t so sure of his love unless I was being particularly good, like he was Santa Claus. Now, I feel that love so acutely that I all but forget that I am not the only one he loves. That’s when pride, arrogance and a sense of entitlement come into play and I begin to believe my own hype. It’s the very absence of all humility. I’ve said things and thought in my own heart, “Their efforts would be nothing without me.” I was convinced that my gift made all the difference. I was rather full of myself.

True, this paints a rather unflattering picture of me but let me say in my defense, extremely low self esteem and thinking very highly of oneself are actually two sides of the same coin. In the past, I have been guilty of both. As a matter of fact, I can jump from one to the other in the course of a day – several times. I tried to combat those feelings of unworthiness with an inflated sense of my own value. Now, I pray “Lord, deliver me from that arrogance.” I remind myself that I am special but so are we all. I love that God has the capacity to love us all that way – to make us all feel loved and cherished, like any good parent. I cannot delude myself into thinking like an only child. Now, the gift (or the absence, thereof) is not so important but the attitude in which I serve is. The challenge has become not letting it go to my head and believing myself more important that anyone else in the scheme of things. Yes, he does love me and I am gifted and I am important. And so are you.

Be blessed,

Loria