Author: loriaboyle

“He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” 

I said, “Sovereign LORD, you alone know.”

Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! (Ezekiel 37:3-4)

I juggled the package in my arms as I put the key into the slot and opened my front door. My daughter came from the kitchen, smiling, and said “Why are you home so early?” Then her gaze fell on the box, containing my personal belongings, in my hands. Her face fell. “What happened?” I raised my eyebrow in response. My face told all. She came to me, took the box out of my hands and hugged me. “This is so exciting!” I heard her say. Huh? “No,” she explained, when I gave her a look like she was more than a little crazy. “As good as that job was; I know the next one will be even better. This is EXCITING!” That kid. My kid. She is SO my daughter.

My father, a Baptist minister, used to say: Only a young fool or an old man would preach from the book of Revelation.” Whew, good thing I’m not going there today! But this scripture from Ezekiel was the basis for one of his favorite sermons, Dry Bones in the Valley. It’s a promise from God of restoration for Israel. But this morning, it became a promise for me. As I am faced with rebuilding my life again (say it with me – ONE MORE TIME!), I was awakened before dawn, pondering these questions: How can you bring life to a dead situation? How can you breathe new life into a calamity? How do you coax fire from dying embers? The answer came to me from this scripture.

When I first got laid off, I was very optimistic. I’ll get another job – just like THAT, with a snap of my fingers. It soon morphed into – “My break is just around the corner … any day, now …” I mean, how long could this last? I have FAVOR, right? As the days since I was last employed lengthened, reality set in. Half the summer with no job. The fall and into Christmas, still no job. Not that there weren’t opportunities. I’ve had plenty. Interview after interview ended in heartbreak. I’ve never been on so many promising interviews AND been rejected in all my life. WOW. It was enough to make me feel a little paranoid and look at myself asking, “What’s wrong with me?” But it’s nothing personal; a lot of people are out of work right now.

I was on a roller coaster of emotions. I fluctuated between extreme highs with every potential job (“I’ll be working within the week!”) to valley lows (“I thought for sure they’d hire me…”) with every disappointment. I went on an unintended, extended hiatus and stopped writing this here blog as I struggled with what to reveal. Some of the things I’ve written about have been pretty personal but many of them were post crisis. As a church mother used to say, “I can’t tell all but I can tell some.” I didn’t want to tell that. Not THAT. It was too humiliating. Even though it was called a layoff, it felt like being fired. True, one is kinder than the other but the message is still the same – rejection. Translation: WE DON’T WANT YOU! Getouttahere! This was too close, too personal, too soon. Plus, I thought; how do I write and not give hope? How can I write about my struggle and not show resolution?  How could I write and not say what was going on with me? I couldn’t write and not be real. For months, I sat trying to NOT tell this story. But this story cried out, Tell ME.

I’ve taught my children that setbacks are temporary and God usually brings about a way to place me in an even better situation as a result. As the song says, “Every round goes higher and higher …” While things may seem dismal, they usually work out for my good. Not usually, I hasten to amend, ALWAYS. So why the depression and the “valley lows”? Because it’s happening to me! And I don’t want it to (with the pouty lip). I don’t want it to be my time for trial, not again. But as Gandalf said to Frodo when he voiced much the same sentiment, “So do all who live to face such times, but that is not for them to decide.” No one wants tribulation. No one signs up for it. Argh.

As much as I wanted to go completely ostrich (you know, head in the sand), it came down, once again to being a role model. It took a conversation with a good friend to make me realize this. She said to me, “Loria, you are everything I’ve always wanted to be. When I think of being a good Christian, I think of you. When I look for an example, I look to you.” I was floored. Speechless. Humbled. Touched. She continued, “That’s why I believe you’re meant to help more than just me. As much as you do that for me, I know you’re meant to help more than me.” She brought home for me, something my sister has repeatedly said: It’s not about YOU.

My friend reminded me that she has watched, time and again, as I have hauled my life out of the ashes and started over. Each time, I come away from the experience as a shining example of His goodness and love. My life is an encouragement to others. So then, I must, as David once did, “Encourage myself in the Lord.” (1 Samuel 30:6) I must speak or prophecy to myself, my life, these dry bones and tell them to live again. This time I must be the role model and example for myself. I must show up for me. God chose me, for whatever reason, to go through this IN FRONT OF OTHERS. I know He will use this situation to get glory for himself and restore me.

Job said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I shall depart.” (Job 1:21) He understood a simple truth. It wasn’t his to begin with. It all belongs to God anyway, as my pastor says. Every child, every piece of land, every blessing – it’s all His to give or take away as he sees fit. Experience has taught me, He gives more than he takes. I’m confident that, in the end, I will have the job or career that God has meant for me. The one that will bless me and move me forward has my name written all over it.

So I pose the question again. Who can breathe new life into these dry bones? God can. He alone is able. He still sits on the throne. His arm is not shortened. He can still save and deliver. He still has an “S” on his chest. He is still my hero. He will rescue me… again.

Be blessed,

Loria

God said to Adam: “Don’t eat the apples off that tree.”

Adam said, “What tree?”

God replied, “That tree – in the middle of the garden. Don’t eat the apples.”

Adam called:  “Hey Eve, we got apples!”

Children … sigh! My son recently found himself in a tough spot due to some poor choices he’d made. I was concerned and worried enough to go into prayer mode for him, EVERY SINGLE DAY. Every morning, he consumed my thoughts. He was constantly on my mind. Help him, God, I prayed.  Guide him to you. Show yourself to him. Let him know his life is not his own. He has a greater responsibility because he has been given so much. Call him to you. And on it went.  I also enlisted the help of a few relatives and trusted friends to pray with me. I just wanted to be sure my son was OK. My friends and family comforted me and prayed with me and God came through for me and my son – as always. I am thankful. But just before I got the good news that God turned his situation around, I had a realization. My son was not the only young person who’d lost his way and therefore, become guilty of frustrating and disappointing his parents. The main difference between my son and others? THEY were not my problem.

“… they came for the Jews and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.” Pastor Martin Niemöller

See, I thought it couldn’t happen to us. I thought we were immune to some of the difficulties other families faced. I felt secure in how I’d raised him, the calling on his life and in how much God had blessed us. When other parents told me of their trials, I would pray with them, but I felt personally detached from their situation. “Wow,” I thought. “Look at what THEY are going through!” Such Arrogance. Now I am ashamed of my attitude. “Peace and safety,” says the scripture, is what we claim just before “sudden destruction” overtakes us (1Thessalonians 5:3). Before it personally touched me, I didn’t even THINK to pray continually for the guidance and safety of all of our young people, everywhere. I know now that was foolishness, for their calamity at some time may touch me and mine in some form. And soon we will hand our world over to them – our young people, to do what they will – no, to do what we have trained (or failed to train) them to do. God used this situation to convict me:  Loria, you’ve got to care. You’ve got to pray. This does affect you and your loved ones. You’ve got to be concerned.

“As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you…” 1 Samuel 12:23

While our situation was not dire and we were not in desperate straits -THIS TIME – what if the opposite were true? Would it have taken something truly awful for me to be actively praying for a solution? Wow. When it happened to my son’s friends, I thought “Wow. Look at him – he did that to his poor mother.” And it’s true, when our kids do things that are not in keeping with what we have taught them, we look to ourselves. What did I do wrong? How could I have done this better? Is this a result of such and such catastrophe? Are they acting out? As mothers, we take this on ourselves. Even scripture says, “A child left to himself will bring shame to his mother.” (Proverbs 29:15) Society doesn’t automatically look to the father, they look to the mother. And we look to ourselves for the blame, too.

My friend said to God (concerning her own son), “I didn’t raise him like that!” To which God replied, “Then why are you letting the devil condemn you about it?” Nobody wins the blame game – it just keeps you wrapped up in guilt, feeling badly and not being able to get past it. Haranguing and nagging the offender doesn’t help. When confronted, my own son said, “What do I do now?” That attitude helps us to move forward. Sometimes, analyzing how we got where we are helps to ensure we don’t make the same mistake again. But eventually, we
have to address the situation head on: How do I get myself out of the pickle I find myself in? And then we need to pull up our sleeves and work to do just that.

“It takes a village to raise a child.” African Proverb

When my children were small, I used to walk them to their bus stop daily. It was only a short distance away – just a couple of blocks – but it was on a busy street. For some reason, other parents felt completely safe with sending their children unattended, or so I assumed. I was quite on my high horse about it – “THOSE parents,” I thought. How could they send their children to play near a major street? Not my children, I said to myself, as I proceeded to escort them every day. Before long, I knew all the children and I was the adult presence at the bus stop. I watched out for them all.

I remember when some of those same children were doing poorly in school. I recall one girl who couldn’t read, yet she was being advanced from grade to grade. These same children wanted to form a “study club” and invited my children to participate. But I wouldn’t allow my children to become involved for fear their grades would slip, too. That was alright for THOSE children and THOSE mothers who were uninvolved and did not seem to care. It didn’t occur to me that maybe, those mothers could not do better. And maybe somewhere along the line, their children would affect my own.

It seems my neighborhood school shared my views. They were guilty of not caring about the progress of the children and foisting the responsibility solely off on the parents. They thought those families alone would be affected. They didn’t see a reason to care because it didn’t affect the student body as a whole. Except one day, it did. Our school was evaluated and found lacking – they were put on the watch list. I was sent a notice telling me that I could send my children to another school because our current school did not meet the standards. Wow. The following year – let me tell you – I received no such notice from the school regarding their academic standing. It was a humbling experience and they realized what affects one, may affect us all. Lesson learned. Message delivered.

That was a wake-up call for the school and for me, then. But now, today, it’s message returns to me. We must care when we hear stories of other children doing poorly. We must care when we hear of other parents who are struggling. We must NOT think it affects only THEM, for we could be THOSE parents – it’s only by the grace of God that we are not in their shoes. We must pray for them now, as we would our own children and not wait until it becomes our problem. It is our duty and responsibility. If we don’t care today, one day we will – because their lives may very well be intertwined with our own.

Be blessed,

Loria

P.S. I’m thankful for the joke that reminded me, even God has problems with wayward children (LOL!) and for the friend who reminded me “God is ABLE” to keep them!

“… but a crushed spirit who can bear?” (Proverbs 18:14)

“There can be only One…” The Highlander movie, 1986.

Japan had an earthquake … followed by a tsunami … followed by the meltdown of their nuclear reactors.  For some, it merely felt like the end of the world.  For some folks in Japan, it actually was. Nature had gone haywire, leaving a path of destruction. Lives lost, homes lost, a nuclear disaster on the horizon. The earthquake and subsequent tsunami in Japan has the attention of the world as we look on in horror. We’ve watched the videos and the devastation is heartbreaking. Tragedy makes bedfellows of us all. We see their pain and feel helpless.  We think what if that were us and we know that we have no defense. For how can we defend against nature?

For most, fear began to set in – like it usually does in the aftermath of such events – as we look for answers. We want to be comforted. We want our illusion of security back. We want to believe (and hope) that such calamity will never come our way.  We fear we will not be ready if it does in two senses – we’ll be ill prepared to protect ourselves and we’re not ready to meet our Maker.  Most folks fool themselves into believing that there is no God, but times like these can shake us out of our complacency and make us consider, just for the moment, what if?

Of course, end-of- the-world theories and scenarios abound. When a natural disaster of this magnitude strikes, people speculate on the deeper meaning. Even people who don’t believe begin to latch onto scriptures and prophecies and try to connect the dots. The go-to scripture at a time like this, the one guaranteed to strike fear in our hearts, is the one that mentions “wars and rumors of wars … earthquakes in diverse places … famine.” (Mark 13:7-8) We consult our checklist: Wars? Check. Earthquakes and natural disasters? Check.  Famine and disease? Check. We ask ourselves – is this a disaster of biblical proportions? Does this mean that “The End” is near?

Now it’s true – these are signs of our times but this has been pretty much true for every generation.  So while these events are scary in and of themselves, they are not an absolute indicator of our impending demise. Most folks completely skip over the part where Jesus says, when we see these things “do not be alarmed” and this is “just the beginning of birth pains.” In other words, THE END is not yet near. So what is really going on?

Recently, my friend’s beloved grandfather and true patriarch of her family passed and she asked the question – WHY? Why him – he was a good man. Why him – he never hurt anyone. Why did he have to get sick – why did he have to die? And I answered her with the same answer I gave to my children when they began to have fears about death: We are all sick – sin sick, that is. That’s the why of it. Babies die. Teenagers die. Really good people die. Since sin was introduced into the world, it has consequences that we all must pay. Namely, that a body created to live forever, instead must die at some point.  Long life is not guaranteed to any of us. People die – no one knows the when, why or the how of their demise.  Most people cannot prepare for death – it takes many suddenly. What’s so important is what we do with the time we are allowed to be here.

That answered my friend’s question – but did you know that our world is sick, too? When God gave the land of Canaan to the Israelites, he did so with a condition. The Canaanites had become so vile and repugnant that they caused the land to sin. God ejected them in favor of the Israelites but warned the new caretakers: if you do the same, the land will reject you, too. (Leviticus 18:25) And that is what we have happening to this day. Creation is sick because of the things we do to each other, the lives we live, the disregard and disrespect for God and our fellow man. It can’t be fixed by recycling – that’s just a symptom of our problems. Because of our sins the land wants to reject mankind, spew us out, and vomit us up. Sin entered the scene and destroyed the perfection of God’s world. Now, like us, all creation is diseased and is groaning for redemption (Romans 8:22-23). It yearns to be restored to its original sinless state. And that is the real culprit behind Japan’s tsunami and all such natural disasters.

So what can we do to be made safe in times like these? How can we feel secure in a world that has no security? When I first struck out on my own, it was frightening to me. I had lived a pretty sheltered life. I’d always lived at home so I didn’t know what it was to truly take care of myself, by myself. Throw two kids into the equation and I was terrified. Not only did I have to take care of me, I had to take care of them. Wow. How would I keep us safe at night? Who would keep away the bad? Terrible scenarios played out in my mind. We would need a dog and a smoke alarm with a carbon monoxide detector and maybe even an alarm, too. I felt the pressure to keep us safe. In this, I could not fail because my kids, who were innocent, were counting on me.

But then it occurred to me: Who is the One that always keeps me safe? Who’s been keeping me safe all these years? Who keeps my kids when I am not around, when they are not in my sight? While they are away at school? Who keeps us at night when we are sleeping and senseless? I used to panic when I heard tornado sirens during the day until I realized that the same sirens go off at night while I’m sleeping and I’ve slept right through them. I didn’t know enough to be afraid – I didn’t even know I was in danger. There are dangers everywhere, seen and unseen, but there is One who keeps me when I don’t even realize I need to be kept.

When I want to feel safe in a world that’s gone crazy, I go to the One who made it and made me, too. He is my safety and security. He is my shelter. I run to his arms. In my mind, I picture these huge, MASSIVE biceps surrounding me – arms that I know are big enough to shelter me from anything. He longs to shield us all “as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings,” (Matthew 23:37) so I can count on him to keep me safe. And even if he doesn’t, even if calamity should touch my life, I know that He is still able. That gives me a measure of peace.

Be blessed,

Loria

“So, because you are lukewarm–neither hot nor cold–I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” Revelation 3:16

“Pump up the volume, pump up the volume, pump up the volume – dance, dance!”  M.A.R.R.S.

I reached out and adjusted the volume on the car radio, turning the volume down.  My kids shrieked in objection, as usual.  My son asked, “Do you even want to hear the song?” Yes, I did but it was too loud – it assaulted my ears. In the words of Mr. Brown from Meet the Browns:  “It’s too murch, Cora! Too murch!”

This is a dilemma many of us find ourselves in – how do we walk that fine line between enough and too much?  Sadly, many of us decide to stay firmly on the side of just barely enough, giving our mediocre effort. Maybe that’s fine for your life but it’s not okay when it comes to your service to God.  He requires, he demands that you give him your all, your highest and best in all that you do concerning him. Frequently, I’ve been disappointed when I’ve seen how many people have yielded to the “that’s good enough” mentality when it comes to serving God. I think to myself, how can that ever be true? How can it ever be enough? For David, too much was not enough as he danced himself right out of his clothing while giving God his highest praise!

In being afraid to do too much, we sometimes cheat God.  He doesn’t deserve our mediocre effort, he deserves our best. God, himself, said to the Israelites through the prophet Malachi: Present your diseased animals to your governors and see if they will like it! In other words, try giving to your royalty, princes and dignitaries what you give to me.  Give them less than honorable gifts, less than perfect sacrifices and try to pass it off as good.  See if they will thank you for it!  Neither does God appreciate less than our best.

Love me – love me with your whole heart,
He wants it all today.
Serve me – serve me with your life now.
He wants it all today.
Bow down, let go of your idols
He wants it all today – so give it all … (Forever Jones)

I recall the story of a conversation between Michael Jordan and his father.  Michael was having trouble being accepted by his teammates. Sure, he was scoring triple doubles and racking up all kinds of accolades for himself but his team wasn’t winning. They resented him for his talents and it caused him to hold back because he didn’t want to make enemies. So he asked his father for advice, “Dad – should I play like I know I can play?” And the answer came back from his father, “Play like you know you can play.” In other words, you shouldn’t have to squash who you are just to get along with others. If they can’t handle your talents and abilities, that is their issue.  Marianne Williamson put it best: Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. When you shine you give others permission to shine. And that is exactly what happened in the case of MJ and the Chicago Bulls – rather than continue to resent him, the other players had to step up their game and they went on to win six championships.

Patti LaBelle had a similar story of being asked to squash her essence, just to accommodate others.  Patti once appeared on the Oprah show with Gladys Knight and Dionne Warwick.  Just before going on stage to perform, Dionne pulled Patti to the side and asked if she could “tone it down” because she sang too loud. Patti was being asked to be less. But how would that keep her true to herself? God gave her a big voice and big talent to be USED. I think that when you use your gifts to the utmost, you honor the God who gave them to you.

When I first began to truly sing, I was so fearful.  I was afraid of how my best would be perceived.  Afraid that people would think I was doing “too much.”  Fearful that others would think I was grandstanding, showboating, or trying to outshine someone else.  So I squashed who I was, essentially, in an effort to keep and win friends. I was afraid that if I sang like I knew I could sing people wouldn’t like me.  As Helen Baylor sang, “We all wanna be loved!” I didn’t want to make any enemies. I squashed myself and kept my true talents and abilities hidden.  But one day I realized, people still didn’t really like me!  And I thought, “Since they don’t like me anyway, I may as well do what I want to do!” I decided to sing like I’d always wanted to sing. Something wonderful resulted from that decision. People respected me.  Then they actually liked me.  And I realized I did them a disservice all that time – how could they like me when they had never met the real me?

Now, I have a phrase I like to call, “Loria, on TEN!”  It’s me, only better.  It’s me to the 10^th degree.  It’s me, without reservation, no holds barred.  It’s me, operating at my highest and best, using my gifts to the fullest capacity in a way that honors God.  It’s not me competing with you, but me competing with me to give God my highest praise in making the most of the gift he has entrusted to me.  This is one area where I have no problem cranking up the volume as high as it can go!

Sadly, when you operate on this level, it may not win you many friends.  Likely, it will create some enemies.  As the Fairy Godmother said to Cinderella, “They just can’t handle how fabulous you are!” But, I would like to think that more people are encouraged and empowered by the example of my life than those who are offended.  So then, why are people offended when you operate fully in your gifts?  I have a theory.  I think it’s due to two reasons: One, they are not comfortable in their own gifts.  They hold back out of fear and seek to put the same limitations on you.  The second reason may be that they are fearful of moving out of their comfort zone.  When you operate on a fearless level, it challenges them to do the same.  Some people react differently to that challenge – some rise to it and others attempt to hold you back so that they never have to come up to a higher level.  As my older sister put it, “Don’t ask me to dress down, YOU DRESS UP! Don’t ask me to come down to your level; come up to mine.”

My daughter once gave this testimony of a friend and fellow soloist.  When this young lady initially came on the scene, my daughter was a bit resentful and resistant.  But as time passed, she was so grateful for this young soloist because she challenged my daughter to elevate her own singing. Performing with this young lady made my daughter a better singer.  And so it is with all challenges.  If we rise to it, it can only make us better.  My daughter learned what my baby sister and I discovered long ago – that the true ability of a star is to shine among other stars.  So we don’t need to worry that another star will dim our own ability to shine.  Scripture exhorts, telling us that we are the light of the world and we are to let our light shine for all to see.  So I encourage you, I challenge you to crank your own level all the way up “on TEN.”  In the process, you may just elevate the people all around you.

Be blessed,

Loria

“It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:22-23

When my daughter graduated from high school, her principal gave a closing address that has remained with me ever since.  After acknowledging and saluting the accomplishments of the graduating class, he said to them and to us all:  Now, you get to start over.  Nothing that you’ve done in high school matters – whether you were at the top of your class or just barely making it.  Right now, everyone has the same chance of being successful.   In effect, he said, you all get the chance to be the person that you wish to be, regardless of your past.  It does not have to determine your future.  In other words, you get a clean slate.  For me, that was profound and, what I thought, every graduating student needed to hear.

So my daughter went on to college.  I don’t know if the parting words of her former principal impacted her as much as they did me but I can tell you this:  the student she was in high is not the student she is in college.  She’s focused, determined and she now has purpose.  She’s proud of her accomplishments and rightfully so because she has succeeded where others have failed.  I applaud her, I celebrate her and I’m so very proud of her, too.  But more than anything, I’m grateful that she did not succumb to the desire to just give in and accept her past academic history as an indicator of the type of student she could be.  She had the courage to change and for that, I appreciate her.  Freshman year has become a defining moment for her.  Now she knows just what she is capable of achieving.  And she has become a living embodiment and illustration of her principal’s speech.

Every day we also get another chance to get it right, according to our scripture.  New mercy and fresh forgiveness is reloaded for us every single day.  I, for one, am infinitely grateful for the many opportunities I’ve had for a “do over.”  I thank God for them!  The fact that I don’t have to continue to be the person that I’ve become or continue down the path that I’ve chosen is exciting to me.  If I don’t like the direction my life has taken, I have the power to change it.  I get to do it again, I get to it over, I get do it better.  We are empowered to change.  That is good news.

At this time of year, we especially recognize the need to change how we’ve done things in the past.  This is our fresh start. So let us move forward with purpose, keeping in mind our ultimate goal of being better people, living better lives, with a determination to be a more positive influence on those around us.  Let us resolve to impact the lives of our circle of friends, coworkers and family in such a way as to leave a legacy and a pattern for those to follow who come after us.

So Happy New Year.  Happy New Start.  Happy New You.

Be blessed,

Loria