It’s my usual practice to check my tablet and phone first thing in the morning, to see if I missed anything. This usually leads to trolling Facebook which is pretty addictive. Lately, I’ve been challenging myself to do more with my early morning, put down the tablet and seek Him. But one morning, He pulled FB into my morning devotion. How many of us know that when God wants to speak to you, he will? And He will utilize any means necessary, from the ridiculous to the sublime. So I saw this video posted of creatures coming out of their shells. I recognized the crab and probably, a lobster. The rest were indistinguishable to me.
Then I saw a snippet of a gospel concert. I LOVE gospel singers, normally. I even purport to be one, at times. But the concert reminded me of everything that is wrong with Christianity, church and myself right now. A note of it didn’t ring true. Maybe I’m just disillusioned and jaded. She sang His name over and over and it seemed powerful, artfully crafted, but was it truly influenced by Jesus?
Besides being churched out, I am pretty fed up with Christians and I dont know how to fix how I feel. Our hyper involvement in an election, in a world that we are merely traveling through, I just don’t get. And the lengths that some of us, staunch Christians, went to in steadfast support of a man who remains inconstant (at best, or clearly governed by the devil, depending on who you talk to), I just don’t understand. Where is your righteous mind? This election we voted our fears and it became a debacle of the highest order. We have become the laughing stock of the world. How can you say God and Trump in the same sentence? They don’t go together. It recalls to mind a scripture about the last days where the people would be lead astray by a powerful delusion that could deceive, if possible, the very elect.
A friend shared a video with me once about mega churches and how they raise money but don’t give back to their communities. At the time, I defended the church. Tithing is what we do. But, and it goes against the grain to say this, I realize it doesn’t make sense to continue to give money to a system that gobbles up your money like a tic tac and next Sunday asks for more. Greedy and never satiated, they siphon money from the rich, but sadly, also the poor to sustain themselves. It becomes an endless money pit from which you seldom see benefit, except occasionally, in a shining new edifice. The members may find some benefit to themselves but what about the world around us? Would you keep pouring money into a business or house that gave similar returns? A venture that continually drained but never gave back? I think not, for that would be insanity.
After six days Jesus took with Him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There He was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and His clothes became as white as the light. Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus. (Matthew 17:1-3)
Over the last few months, I’ve had much time to think, but I hadn’t. I kept getting a nagging sense that something was not quite right with me. Like I was missing something crucial. I didn’t know what it was then. But I think I’ve figured it out. Stepping free from the confines of this world, I choose to follow you, Lord. And all that entails. Not the crowd. I’ve been riding in a sinking ship, bailing water the whole time. I don’t need Iyanla to fix my life, I need you, Lord. I saw the creatures in the first video, discarding their previous covering and stepping out brand new, transformed, and realized, just like that, I was changed, too. I’ve outgrown that shell, the one that would defend the church and Christians. It no longer fits me. What I thought was a crisis of faith is really me no longer believing in the system. I can’t buy into the foolishness, so I’m casting aside what doesn’t serve me or make sense.
There comes a time when a one size fits all life doesn’t fit you anymore. Your spirit, YOU cry out for more. And that’s where true change begins. On the mount of transfiguration, Jesus met Elijah and Moses in their glorified forms. No longer bound by earthly shells and the chains of this world, they were free. But it wasn’t death that set them free, for as far as we know, Elijah did not die. They both had in common their relationship with God.
I said to God that morning, I want you, stripped down. And that’s where the worship began, my morning devotion, as I thumbed through my news feed. The words came to me and escaped with fear and awe because I wondered what new trials it would bring. But I also realized that if God led me to this place, it’s where He wants me to be. I am morphing, changing, transfiguring, through relationship with Him. Thank you, Lord, for taking me higher so that I can be closer to You. Be blessed.
Loria