And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. Revelation 21:5
I seem to have gone through more than my fair share of trials lately. Ever felt that way? Then you wonder what it is you’re doing wrong. I’ve been asking, seeking and knocking (more like banging, LOL!) to no avail. Until it occurred to me – things keep happening to me. There’s something passive about that, as if I had nothing to do with it, therefore nothing can be done to prevent it. That doesn’t wash with me. I feel there is always something that can be done. Then another word came to mind. Allow. It gave my participation, or lack of, a name. You’ve allowed these things to happen to you, Loria. What? How? Where? For the answer, I went back to the beginning, when I re-set my life.
For me, everything began anew with my divorce. That’s when I began to live. Sounds strange, right? But it’s true. At that time, I stopped letting things happen to me and took more control over my life, the lives of my children and our future. It was a glorious rebellion, a hostile takeover – it was not given to me, I took it by force. For years, I heard Oprah sing the praises of keeping a personal journal. I did not heed her at the time because I was too busy. And I thought my life was fine, which it was because I never took the time to closely examine it. A clue was given me, that something was wrong, when I went to see a dietitian about my eating habits, ostensibly, to lose weight. But that session became so much more when she made a simple request: Describe to me what your day is like.
I found myself in tears as I gave her the details of my life. Crying, for I knew not what. I was embarrassed. I never went back. But I recognized that feeling. I felt overwhelmed, like my life was not my own. She summed it up thusly: Wow – sounds like your life is kinda on auto pilot and you’re just hanging on for the ride! She was so right. My life was happening in a way and at a pace that left me running just to keep up. I had lost control.
Which brings me to my recent revelation. I asked myself, Loria, what is different about your life now? How did it get so out of control, again? Why are you letting things just happen to you instead of taking more of an active role? This time, the answer came quickly: journaling. Keeping a journal made the difference then and has already improved things of late. My journal is more than a record of what happened during my days, it’s a diary of my prayers. When I look back over them, I see that I have all that I ever asked God for during that transitional period in my life. Prayer is like an arrow – it gives you focus and aim to better enable you to hit your target. It’s like providing direction for your life. When I didn’t write it down, I became aimless and I fell for far too many distractions.
Moreover, writing less often removed the desire for me to write altogether. So, I found myself in a cycle once again of life happening and me just keeping up with the shenanigans. Writing the vision makes it plain – that the reader may see and run with it! Write that vision, Loria! Write it down – this is too important. Otherwise, you’ll continue to tread water and spin your wheels while you wait for something better to happen. It’s not gonna if you don’t direct it. God’s plan for me is good – to give me a future and a hope, an expected end. I’ve said this before and now I write to remind myself: write the ending you expect! Write that vision, girl! What you want out of life, claim it. I was waiting on God and becoming more frustrated but as usual, turns out he was waiting on me.
I’ve got my head twisted on straight now and I’m ready to re-enter the fight. Thank you, Lord, for giving me back my drive and ambition. Thank you for mistakes I’ve made along the way. I will not regret them because they are part of the process and necessary lessons to get me where I want to go. And, get me to where YOU want me to be so that you can bless me even more. I’m not afraid anymore for my future, I know you’re already there and you’ve made provision. I’m excited to see the things you have in store for me. You’re the God of better, of more than enough. You make all things new, AGAIN. Let’s get it – LET’S GO!
For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie:
though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3