Casting down imaginations … (2 Corinthians 10:5)
I’m up. But I don’t want to be. Sigh. A former co-worker once dubbed these early morning hours, “the butt-crack of dawn.” I’m paraphrasing. He didn’t say it quite as nicely. Not that I blame him. 4:00 a.m. is not a good time to be up, especially when I don’t need to be. I have a friend who recently confessed that she always gets 8 hours of sleep. I envy her the accomplishment and told her whatever she’s doing needs to be bottled! Alas, that is not my lot on this here morning. So, what do I do with myself after rising at such an ungodly hour? I write.
Writing is cathartic for me. A form of meditation and therapy, I guess. I catalog my hopes, and dreams, my fears. In most cases, after dialoguing with myself, my fears seem to lessen. I can breathe again. But fear has been an unwelcome companion for a few months now, seemingly rising out of nowhere. I developed a phobia, most notably, about publishing my latest novel. Being a bit of a word smith, I decided to look up phobia just to ensure that word truly encapsulated what I was experiencing.
Phobia: an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something.
Yup, that was me. It was extreme in that sometimes I couldn’t breathe at the thought of taking the next step. Irrational, in that I’ve done this THREE TIMES already. I’ve published three books. I know the process. Fear is for the unknown. Fear is for the unfamiliar. And even then, I’d never let it hinder me before. I’m terrified of my dreams and ambitions most of the time, LOL! That couldn’t have been the reason. I read a quote once: If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough. That has become somewhat of a mantra for me, my personal slogan. It took me four years of editing and waffling to get up the courage to publish my first book. The following novels, less so. Fear of publishing? That just didn’t make sense. Why now, after all this time?
“If you ask a question,” as my brother always says, “the answer can’t hide.”
Once I challenged that unreasonable trepidation, my mind readily supplied the answer. Because I let it take hold, not questioning its validity, the phobia grew unchecked. I never stopped to examine it. That was the day, I think, I got tired of being afraid. I reminded myself of all I had already accomplished. Of the bear and lion which I’d already slain. Surely, another giant would be a small thing. I asked myself, where is your faith? Fear cancels out faith, but the reverse is also true. Faith trumps fear, every time. Faith in myself, my abilities, my calling, my God. Nothing can stand against that. After that realization, fear and all the stuffing that supported it lay crumpled in a heap at my feet like a scarecrow without a pole. It was no longer sustainable. Or reasonable.
Fear is normal. It’s what we do with it that determines our outcome. My son, a successful entrepreneur, said to me: “I get negative thoughts all the time. I throw ’em against the wall! Get outta here with that!” He said it so convincingly that I laughed as I pictured that conversation with his fear coming out on the losing end. But that is what I needed to do. I followed his example and took captive the thoughts which were crippling my progress. My debilitating fear needed to be forcefully ejected from my thinking and my life. Get wit’ it or get gone. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
With that being resolved, I’m moving forward with publishing a book that I’ve held onto for too long. The promise I’ve made to myself and to you, my readers, is that it will be published fully by May 30th. Advanced reader copies are available for those who’d like to be part of my review building team. Without further ado, here’s the complete cover reveal and a preview of Pale Rider. Enjoy!
P.S. I’ve partnered with Story Origin to get the word out about my work and that of other authors. Get your free copy of Touched and check out Jennifer Kropf’s Christian fantasy, Harmonies: A Winter Novella.